New Use for Medical Marijuana

The American Journal of Mexico-ian Related Diseases recently published an article claiming miraculous results from the use of THC, or as the rest of us hipsters like to call it "Marijuana Cigarettes" or joints, to treat breakouts of herpes.

"Direct contact with THC killed herpes virus in a University of South Florida (Tampa) 1990 research study by Dr. Gerald Lancz, who warns that 'smoking marijuana will not cure herpes.' However, anecdotal reports indicate a faster drying and healing of the outbreak after topical application of 'strong bud', soaked in rubbing alcohol and crushed into a paste."

Similarly, from a report in the very legitimate looking Schaffer Library of Drug Policy:

"Among other medical uses, a recent study in Florida showed that THC placed in a test tube with a herpes virus killed the virus." Would an Aquafina bottle work instead?

Finally, from a scorned "scientist":

"Ten to fifteen years ago (about 1990), I developed a treatment for herpes outbreaks (both cold sores and other). At that time I tried to share my discovery with different research groups, but was meet with doubt, and ignored." Particularly mean, dispiriting airport security screeners.

"Recently I had reason to revive my treatment method, and found it still works." Millionare client, perhaps?

"I feel it is my responsibility to do so. My problem is my evidence of its effectiveness is limited to only a few trial people (myself being one)." And one other happens to have a brother who bangs middle schoolers.

"Basically the treatment is just a tincture of rubbing alcohol and marijuana. The THC kills the herpes virus on contact and cuts recovery time in half (at least). Also, repeated use reduces, and possibly eliminates, future outbreaks (I have a theory about that but need more testing)." Volunteers? Any volunteers? You in the back, tall guy with the cornrows... yes, number 7... you interested?

(God, I'm revelling in the irony of linking that news story to a Virginia Tech news site.)

When asked about today events at a Miami airport, Vick simply stated, "Its all about suppression, baby!"