Ah, Michael Vick bashing and video games

From the Phat Phree via Gorilla Mask, a letter to EA Sports from the Guy who is only good at Madden when he plays as Michael Vick. Here's some quality excerpts:

Hey there, EA Sports. As you have probably heard, Michael Vick has had some recent problems with dog killing. While dog killing is definitely uncool, I would hope that you guys aren't listening to all of this jibber-jabber about "federal indictments" and "season-long suspensions." It would be a tragedy of global proportions if you decided to keep the dog-killing lefty out of your latest installment of Madden NFL Football.

You have to understand, this is the first time that Vick has been federally indicted for dog slaying. You can check his record all the way back to grade school and find no other federal indictments. Of course, you can be picky and bring up the highly public allegations against him for kicking it as Ron Mexico and beating chicks down with his herpes stick, or his arrest for trying to carry a secret weed-stashing water bottle through airport security.

So the real question that needs to be answered is if the NFL believes that Vick's behavior reflects negatively on the league. I'm sorry, EA Sports, but this is not your question to answer. So please, turn a deaf ear to any news that comes out about Ron Mexico throwing dogs off of his roof and spreading herpes.

So nice.

Yah! Its more Michael Vick!

Via With Leather:

Not Vicks Dogg

This picture does not appear to be altered. The dogs name is Hercules, and it is billed as "The World's Biggest Dog Ever" according to Guinness World Records. Hercules, the English Mastiff, and has a 38 inch neck and weighs 282 pounds.

I don't know if Ronnie Mexico has a rape stand big enough to accommodate a dog that size.

Ron Mexico is back

WVU rightly takes a lot of criticism for Pacman and Henry, but VT has it's own dynamic duo of the Vick brothers. And VT named a freshman dorm after Michael.
At this point Vick may have a Jeckle and Hyde thing going with the Micheal Vick/Ron Mexico personalities. One plays football and wants to endorse products. The other will flip off the crowd, give your girlfriend herpes, and smuggle contraband through an airport. Mexico has re-entered the news for running a dog and cock fighting ring at home he owns.

Vick has apparently been under investigation for several years. What, how long does it take to notice dead dogs and birds being thrown out in the trash. This is Michael Vick, you know he just set them out there in large heaps, it's not like he's a criminal mastermind.

Early reports indicate as many as 70 dogs on the property, including 60 pit bulls with wounds that appear to be consistent with dog-fighting. Authorities have allegedly uncovered extensive dog-fighting paraphernalia, including rape stands (used to allow fighting dogs to breed while preventing them from attacking each other), equipment used to build strength and endurance in fighting dogs, and controlled substances frequently used in dog-fighting.

Jesus, rape stands. The police where there on a drug investigation of Vick's nephew who apparently lives there. The officers found three different buildings of dogs and up to 50 showing serious signs of neglect.

Officers from the Meherrin Drug Task Force also were on the scene. It's a multi-jurisdictional task force to investigate major drug trafficking

Let's see if the NFL has the balls to go after their once golden boy if these charges start to pile up.

Completely Unsubstantiated Rumor and More Mocking of Michael Vick

So yesterday, while attempting to stay awake during a 7 hour hearing, a guy I know who knows a guy who watches football and talks to some other guy who reads sports rumors leans over to tell me the latest trade rumor:

Michael Vick and Atlanta's 10th overall pick to Oakland for their 1st overall pick, Randy Moss and Jerry Porter.

While I have no way to substantiate this at this point, as I haven't fired up the Interwebs yet, I just want to say this will simplify my life by centralizing my two most hated things in the sports world, Michael Vick and the Oakland Raiders, into one convenient location. Its like a Walmart for sports hatred.

And while this video has already made it up to a few blogs, such as KSK and With Leather, as a WVU-centric (and, thus, VT-hating) blog, I just have to post it here, too:



Update: Yah! Substantiated. Sorta.

New Use for Medical Marijuana

The American Journal of Mexico-ian Related Diseases recently published an article claiming miraculous results from the use of THC, or as the rest of us hipsters like to call it "Marijuana Cigarettes" or joints, to treat breakouts of herpes.

"Direct contact with THC killed herpes virus in a University of South Florida (Tampa) 1990 research study by Dr. Gerald Lancz, who warns that 'smoking marijuana will not cure herpes.' However, anecdotal reports indicate a faster drying and healing of the outbreak after topical application of 'strong bud', soaked in rubbing alcohol and crushed into a paste."

Similarly, from a report in the very legitimate looking Schaffer Library of Drug Policy:

"Among other medical uses, a recent study in Florida showed that THC placed in a test tube with a herpes virus killed the virus." Would an Aquafina bottle work instead?

Finally, from a scorned "scientist":

"Ten to fifteen years ago (about 1990), I developed a treatment for herpes outbreaks (both cold sores and other). At that time I tried to share my discovery with different research groups, but was meet with doubt, and ignored." Particularly mean, dispiriting airport security screeners.

"Recently I had reason to revive my treatment method, and found it still works." Millionare client, perhaps?

"I feel it is my responsibility to do so. My problem is my evidence of its effectiveness is limited to only a few trial people (myself being one)." And one other happens to have a brother who bangs middle schoolers.

"Basically the treatment is just a tincture of rubbing alcohol and marijuana. The THC kills the herpes virus on contact and cuts recovery time in half (at least). Also, repeated use reduces, and possibly eliminates, future outbreaks (I have a theory about that but need more testing)." Volunteers? Any volunteers? You in the back, tall guy with the cornrows... yes, number 7... you interested?

(God, I'm revelling in the irony of linking that news story to a Virginia Tech news site.)

When asked about today events at a Miami airport, Vick simply stated, "Its all about suppression, baby!"

Odds and Ends

In what I'm sure will be elaborated on later, it was a bad week for Mexico.

New Mexico is back in the news as he seeks to have his $6.35 million lawsuit dismissed. His accuser is a teenage girl he spent a few years stomping, but not in the leg.

Ron Mexico took it up a notch in showing lil' brother exactly how a Mexico rolls. Vick claimed it was a treatment for his disease. He was later informed he has herpes and not glaucoma.

When asked for comment the two Vicks extended a finger from their shared bedroom window in their parents house.

Before any VT apologists try to bring up Pacman or Henry let me point out that neither of them have a freshman dorm named after them.

In other news WVU thought they had a line coach. Rodriguez hopes to fill the rest of the staff within the next 3 weeks. Still needed are offensive line coach, WR coach, TE coach, butcher, baker, and candlestick maker.

Steve Slaton will miss spring ball while getting his now year needed surgery on his wrist.