Monday, September 22, 2008

Possible Replacement OCs

As if its not already obvious from our first three games of the season, time has come for a new offensive coordinator. we bastards have come up with a list of potential replacements. Feel free to contribute your ideas in the comments:

1. Ask Corso - NCAA 07
Pros: Fewer bubble screens. Continuation of lack of coherent offensive scheme, which we apparently like.

Cons: It's Corso (sort of).

2. Magic Eight Ball.
Pros: Its magic!

Cons: Burn through timeouts when answer is: "Check back later."

3. Any waitress from Keglers.
Pros: Kinda hot. Nice shorts. Great recruiter.

Cons: Crabs.

4. Charley Taafe
Pros: Available. He was our original first choice for OC.

Cons: Couldn't hack it in the CFL.

5. Lump of coal.
Pros: From West Virginia

Cons: Who cares? Its from West Virginia (see Bill Stewart).

6. 20 sided die:
Pros: Randomness. Unpredictable.

Cons: 18 too many sides.

7. Prayer
Pros: Its the Christian thing to do. God.

Cons: Similarity to current scheme.

Please share your ideas in the comments.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Perhaps intermittently back

We all got new jobs and one of us got a new baby. I still live in BFE with no internet access. We had pretty much figured BSPF was going to wither on the vine.

But this god foresaken spectacle of a coaching staff has... well, at least pissed me off enough to get back on my soap box. Maybe check back about once a week to see if we get the ball rolling again.

Personal Log - 9/18

Well, golly, what a great game that was last night. I know we lost, but shucks, our boys played hard. The other coaches played a great gag on me - they gave me a fake headset! It took me until the second quarter to figure that one out. They're such great guys.

Erin Andrews was there and even interviewed me - she seems like such a nice Christian girl. And did you see the mountains out there! Gee willikers they were big!!

Guess I'll just head back to Morgantown now and get the boys ready for those great guys from Huntington.

I think for practice this week, I'll make a few changes. The offensive line seemed a little soft passblocking. They must've been too tired from all that work those mean offensive coaches made them do last week, so I'm going to let them rest up with 4 hours of Andy Griffith each day. God, I love that show.

I've scheduled Quiton and Ellis a few sessions this week with a relaxation specialist. Those guys are just too fired up for my liking, with all their hard hits and aggressive playing. We've got to put an end to that. I just want everyone to be nice to everyone.

PW made me a little upset, but only for a second. He looked at me so judgingly during the beautifully executed final 60 seconds of regulation. I think he just failed to see the wonderful and complex scheme I came up with. You see, I figured if we just let the clock run down to 2 seconds and throw a hail mary, there was a chance we could just win with a lucky catch. That way, no one from Colorado could blame themselves for the loss - it would've just been luck. They played hard, too, you know. I don't want to make anyone feel bad.

Well, fellow Mountaineers, I look forward to our next game. I've been thinking about just foregoing the coin toss from now on and letting our opponents choose whether to take the ball or kick. I think that would be nice. It just puts too much pressure on those kids to go out there and try to win a coin toss and I don't want anyone to feel pressured.

Well, 'till next time,
Your Coach Stew