Wednesday, February 28, 2007

New coach named after the nectar of the gods

In what will be known as the greatest hiring in WVU football history, Tony Dews has joined the WVU coaching staff as an assistant coach. Words cannot describe the happiness myself and I'm sure Robin feel right now. Hopefully, his wife Diet Dews will be a coach as well for women's soccer since diet Dew is for the ladies. Dews will work with receivers, special teams, recruiting, and washing down any meal in delicious fashion. With this hire the football staff for the 2007 season could now be fully in place. Dews beat out Roger Faygo, Johny Sprite, Sammy Coke, Leroy Sevenup, and even Stephen Orangecrush for the job. Bob Mountaindrop, Henry Mellowyellow, Brian Codered, Lenny Livewire, and Arnie Arcticblast were never considered for the vacant position because they suck. BTW The picture says "it'll tickle yore innards!" That's what I tell the ladies.

Round of Reubens

WVU got smacked by Pitt last night. (As Wannstedt watches the Peterson Event Center pull in 12,000 for the game, do you think he takes pride in helping create a Duke-like basketball school?--tummysticks). We really need a good showing in the Big East Tourney or we'll be in the NIT while Maryland is in the big dance. Please God, don't let that happen. The phone calls on Selection Sunday will be unbearable.

Great WVU football roundup from the Charleston Daily Mail:

Spring practice, by the way, will begin Monday. It will end April 7 with the Mountaineers' annual Gold-Blue Game.
SPEAKING OF Brown, a versatile athlete whom colleges also recruited for basketball, there is talk that Rodriguez and Co. will use him as a receiver in some sets in order to get him onto the field.

He is simply too athletic not to do it. Plus, the playing time -- albeit not at his natural position -- might pacify him and perhaps silence those rumors about his impending transfer.

The article also goes into the new coaching staff, slightly, and discusses their ramifications on future recruiting.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

W00t! More Pacman Insanity

Briefly, the Minxx strip club, where some people got shot and Pacman made good use of a trashbag, has been receiving death threats warning employees to "back-off" Pacman Jones.

"They said, 'If you don't leave Pacman alone, we're going to kill you, your family and everyone in the club,' " [the club co-owner] said Saturday.

In even better news, the Titans have enough cap room to boot Pacman, take the cap hit and still be a force on the free agency scene (but based upon their past years' performances in free agency, "force" probably isn't the correct word). But of course, the cap room is only relevant if the Titans are still required to pay Pacman.

More on ESPN's Busch Series Coverage

As tummysticks eloquently posted earlier, ESPN2 will be televising NASCAR Busch Series races on Saturdays during the college football season. So how, exactly do the schedules collide and what are the potential ramifications?

In the below chart, I cross referenced the Busch series schedule against existing ESPN college football scheduling, which of course is always subject to change. If times were available for the ESPN football broadcast, I included them. If there were no ESPN commitments yet scheduled, I provided potentially good matchups from the ACC, Big East, Big 10 and SEC in italics. I omitted games from the PAC-10 and Big 12 because their games usually don't make it on ESPN as they seem to have deals with other lucrative networks like TBS and Versus.

DateBusch RacePotential ESPN Broadcast Conflict
September 1California
Kansas State at Auburn
September 7Richmond
Navy at the Rutgers
September 22The Monster Mile
Georgia at Alabama
Penn State at Michigan
South Carolina at LSU
September 27Kansas
LSU at Tulane
Temple at Army*
October 12Lowe's Motor Speedway
4-6, 7:30
No games scheduled
October 27Memphis
West Virginia at Rutgers
South Carolina at Tennessee
Pitt at Louisville
Oklahoma State at Oklahoma
Ohio State at Penn State
Nebraska at Texas
November 3Texas
FSU at Boston College
LSU at Alabama
Wisconsin at Ohio State
November 10Phoenix
Auburn at Georgia
Florida at South Carolina
FSU at Virginia Tech
Michigan at Wisconsin
November 17Homestead
Tulsa at Army
Boston College at Clemson
Louisville at South Florida
Ohio State at Michigan
Penn State at Michigan State
Pitt at Rutgers
West Virginia at Cincinnati

Seemingly, the only weekends affected badly are October 27 and November 17. Both of these weekends host bivies of games typically making an appearance on ESPN2, i.e. WVU at Cinci because Ohio State v. Michigan is on ABC and Louisville/South Florida is on ESPN1. Fortunately, the races are currently scheduled for late afternoon and because Busch races are somewhat shorter than Nextel Cup races, we can expect them to conclude 7-8ish, just in time for Saturday night college football matchups.

Based upon the above, and considering the Evil Empire's ability to move games and times around to suit their fancy, we may not miss out on any quality football. So instead of napping through Temple at Rice at 4:30 on ESPN2, we'll be napping though cars turning left at 4:30 on ESPN2.

*I've already set my TiVo.

Pacman update

There is an article on aolfanhouse (sure wish they'd link us. - OS) that brings up some new Pacman Jones revelations. It appears as though Pac enjoys drugs in a way that only Courtney Love, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Morton Robert Downey Jr., and a few others will ever know. In more worrisome news for Pacman, he is also a gambler in a league with Charles Barkley and John Daly. He may have gambled thousand of dollars on college football. Pacman may be hearing from Commissioner Goddall very soon. According to the NFL Collective Bargaining Agreement:
INTEGRITY OF GAME. Player recognizes the detriment to the League and professional football that would result from impairment of public confidence in the honest and orderly conduct of NFL games or the integrity and good character of NFL players. Player therefore acknowledges his awareness that if he accepts a bribe or agrees to throw or fix an NFL game; fails to promptly report a bribe offer or an attempt to throw or fix an NFL game; bets on an NFL game; knowingly associates with gamblers or gambling activity; uses or provides other players with stimulants or other drugs for the purpose of attempting to enhance on-field performance; or is guilty of any other form of conduct reasonably judged by the League Commissioner to be detrimental to the League or professional football, the Commissioner will have the right, but only after giving Player the opportunity for a hearing at which he may be represented by counsel of his choice, to fine Player in a reasonable amount; to suspend Player for a period certain or indefinitely; and/or to terminate this contract.
In other Pacman related news, he may have a new rule named after him. NFL players are advocating a three strikes and you're out for personal misconduct. Today on Cold Pizza, the Giants' player representative Jay Feely admitted that the rule was based upon two things:

1. The Bengals number of arrests (Chris Henry) this season; and
2. Players like Pacman Jones who has 8 off the field instances in his career already.

So he's got that going for him.

More gas, less football

ESPN will not be happy until they have driven me to murder. Here is a throwaway line in a story about the upcoming football season,the Marshall/WVU game and the television coverage of said game:

ESPN2 has nine Busch series races during the college football season this fall — taking away time slots that normally would have been filled by college football in the past. Eight of the nine ESPN2 Busch dates fall on Saturday. . .

The outcome of that little quote is not good. Less college football this year on ESPN. Not a problem as long as other networks pick up the slack. What? ESPN has exclusive deals with almost every conference you say? Oh, so that means just less games on Saturday so ESPN can show some cars. Great. As far as I can tell the Busch series isn't even the big time. It's some weird triple A league where some of the major stars come down to race. How is that even fair? That's like letting Gilbert Arenas play in the NCAA tournament. Now having watched the Sarah Silverman Show, I try to treat racing like I do any other blight on society such as homelessness, or AIDS, or global warming. I try to ignore it and hope it goes away. Until it effects me personally then I overreact and hilarity ensues. I don't care if ESPN wants to shove NASCAR down my throat with 700 different shows everyday and commercials every second making it appear "cool" to talk racing and how hot girls will want to have unprotected sex with you if you know who Greg Biffle is. However, if I lose one game, one single game, be it Auburn-Florida or as little as two bottom feeding MAC schools then there will be problems. If there is a college football game that isn't shown because ESPN had to show cars running in circles I will go on a spree shooting every single person I can find that thinks Larry the Cable Guy is funny. And I'll be doing society a favor.

(Update via Option Spread:) Chart listing dates of Busch series telecasts and potentially affected football games. (For all you fine EDSBS folks.)

Monday, February 26, 2007

Go Get Your Shinebox

Not WVU or sports related, but the director of Goodfellas, Casino and Taxi Driver finally got his due last night.

Sure, mom, I settle down with a nice girl every night, then I'm free the next morning.

What's the fuckin' matter with you? What - what is the fuckin' matter with you? What are you, stupid or what? Tommy, Tommy, I'm kidding with you. What the fuck are you doin'? What are you, a fuckin' sick maniac?
How am I meant to know you're kidding? What you mean, you're kidding? You breaking my fuckin' balls?
I'm fuckin' kidding with you! You fuckin' shoot the guy?
He's dead.
Good shot. What do you want from me? Good shot. Fuckin' rat anyway. Kid's all rat. He'll grow up to be a rat.
You stupid bastard, I can't fuckin' believe you. Now, you're gonna dig the fuckin' thing now. You're gonna dig the hole. You're gonna do it. I got no fuckin' line. You're gonna do it.
Who the fuck cares? I'll dig the fuckin' hole. I don't give a fuck. What is it, the first hole I dug? Not the first time I dug a hole. I'll fuckin' dig a hole. Where are the shovels?

I'm just curious. I saw you shuffling your checks with your right hand. Can you do that with both hands?
Can't do it with both hands?
No, sir.
Can you do it with your left hand?
Well, I... I never tried.
So you're a righty?
[one of the guards repeatedly bangs the signaller's right hand with a hammer]
Now you're gonna have to learn with your left hand.

[Travis is trying his guns on the mirror] Huh? Huh?
Faster than you, fucking son of a... Saw you coming you fucking... shitheel.
I'm standing here; you make the move. You make the move. It's your move...
Don't try it you fuck.
You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talking... you talking to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Oh yeah? OK.

Everyone point and laugh

For the past 5 years Marshall University has been attempting to raise money for an indoor practice facility. Unfortunately when you can't sell out a 30,000 seat stadium, don't have a library with "books", and have to take the a plane across country with the chickens in the back (like those 80's movies) you aren't going to raise the money for the IPF. Well offseason conditioning is upon us and Marshall is trying to make the best of it with what little resources they have. Chuck Landon is the Marshall mouthpiece and #1 cheerleader forever. He has an artcle about the workouts in the makeshift practice rooms. Landon, of course, tries to make it sound like an experience that will bring the team together and build chemistry. However, when I read this article it is hard not to imagine what is really happening. It appears the equipment consists of the following from the Island of Misfit Workout equipment:

1. Two hula-hoops, one with beads still inside.
2. 1 bent bar for adding weights and bench with 30 pounds of duct tape over the seams.
3. Sand weights with one 30 pound, 2 five pound, and a 15 pound weight available.
4. 1 bead, two rope jump ropes.
5. Two broken ice cube treys
6. VCR and 18" black and white t.v.
7. 8 track player with some Foghat and Grand Funk Railroad (Snyder likes to party).
8. Stationary bike missing pedals and treadmill that only runs backwards.
9. Four stolen road cones.
10. Ab-roller (brand new/never used) and one deflated football w/o a pump.

The equipment leads to the following type of workout for Marshall's players:

Get up at 6 and show up to the "practice facility" (McDonald's parking lot).
Set up cones try to run around them, get bored try to drive around them.
Run some sprints, stop because exhaust from Drive-Thru is making everyone sick.
Move to a Marshall Classroom.
Move desks to hallway, at least one back injury during move, everyone else tires so nappy time.
Have push-up contest, first one to get to 10 will be the first ever.
Individual work-out session time; break into four groups of juggling, fingerpainting, napping, and eating glue.
Everyone roll down a big hill together (builds up team chemistry).
Talk about why WVU is evil and how much you hate, hate, hate them.
Call Mom and have her pick you up and take you for ice cream

Sometimes you almost feel bad for them. Then you remember Bob Pruett and laugh.

A Case Study

From the time signing day is over until the start of spring practice every good recruiter is doing the same thing, texting the next class more than a gaggle of 13-year old girls at the mall. We try not to get too involved in the seedy aspects of recruiting as you always feel like you need a shower afterwards and we Bastards simply don't like to bathe all that much. However, there is an interesting prospect from West Virginia that we will be keeping an eye on for our cadre of 6 readers. Josh Jenkins will serve as a case study in WVU and West Virginia athletes.

The state of West Virginia only serves up a handful of Division I football players per year. It is also not a secret that WVU seems to have the ability to pick and choose the players within the state that it wants to keep. The others either leave the state or perform the walk of shame to some other school in the southern part of the state (if West Virginia Tech doesn't offer). This past class was actually an exceptional West Virginia class with the top 3 in state players going to WVU, then 1 to Marshall and 1 to Ohio. 2008 could be another good year in state with a few players expecting offers soon as reviewed in this article from the Charleston Gazette.

Jenkins will be the one to follow because he may end up as a top 5 lineman in the country when the rankings come out. Jenkins committed to WVU as a Junior, but as recently reopened his recruiting when Florida, Ohio State, Alabama, and Notre Dame started sending hookers and money came calling. Vingle's article states that Jenkins is still committed to WVU, however, it appears from Rivals that Jenkins has WVU as the favorite, but has not accepted any offers.

West Virginia produces very few D-I football players compared to other states. In fact, Rivals only lists the top 5 from the state whereas most states have at least a top 15. Therefore, since WVU recruiting is a vagabond process, carpetbagging from state to state it is imperative that WVU keep any in state talent it can. This past year WVU had 17 West Virginia natives on roster including Max Anderson, Nate Sowers, Marc Magro, and Reed Williams. WVU shocked a lot of people with the signing of in-state WR Brandon Barrrett a few years ago and with his success Josh Jenkins would be a fool not to follow in his footsteps (this sentence may need some re-phrasing if it turns out Barrett is dead).

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Pac Man ups the Bet

When Chris Henry and Pac Man Jones left WVU a few years ago and headed off to the first round of the NFL draft, rumor has it that they made a wager with each other: who can get into the most trouble. Pac Man raises. Your move Chris.

As I am sure most of you are aware by now, Pac Man was at a strip club in Vegas this past weekend during the NBA all star game when a bit of a skermish broke out ultimately resulting in gun fire and critical injuries to several non-professional athletes. Jones was interviewed by police because he was a witness, not a material suspect.

Well, the story seems to be changing a little. According to the hospitable folks at the strip club, while Pac Man was making the sky rain with singles from his bling bling trash bag wallet, an uninvited stripper began grabbing money. Pac Man allegedly grabbed her, told her to bug off and then punched her. The club's security guard grabbed ahold of the holy one, Pac Man, and separated the superstar from the uninvited stripper. Pac Man then allegeldy told the security guard, "I'm gonna kill you." There's apparently video evidence that confirms most of this.

One thing led to another and wouldn't you know, a member of Pac Man's mantourage shot the guard and a few other fine folks. "What does [the shot security guard] get for a hard day's work? A bullet in the spine because of a jackass athlete," the club co-owner said. "It's the most tragic thing I can imagine." Well, he could have gotten herpes because of a jackass athlete.

Can anyone say "charged with conspiracy to commit second degree homocidehomicide" followed by "plea to voluntary manslaughter"? And to think, he just got his car back.

Jones has comes a long way since his days in Morgantown. He is now throwing wads of cash at strippers and threatening murder. Four years ago, he was groveling and begging for a free bag of ice from the E-mart. You see Timmy, good things can happen. Good things can happen.

(update by tummysticks) The bouncer also suffered from bite marks on his ankles. It is believed these were also inflicted by Pac-Man or someone in his entourage. Police will begin forensic "grill" comparisons immediately. Also check out a news article showing the amount ($81,000) in the bag and the promoter who tried to steal it.

Round of Reubens

Ah, so much to talk about today, but no time. So here's some quick links:

We got a link up at I perused that site briefly this morning and found a great analysis of Big East football as it relates to the "big" conferences and their whining.

The University of Cincinatti is currently embroiled with a sex for letter of intent exchange controversy. The issue I have with this becoming a big mess is that, as of now, it appears the girl involved was a willing participant. What's the point of being a superstar collegiate athlete in college if you can't participate in drunken orgies if every one is willing and you're given the opportunity?

And finally, EDSBS raises an interesting point connecting Pat Lazear's fondness for fruit smoothies and Randy Moss's entrepreneurial spirit.

Back on the bubble?

West Virginia was looking for a quality win to end any speculation about their tournament chances. They took on a Providence team that was 15-2 at home, but only 16-9 overall, unfortunately the game was at the Dunkin' Donuts Center. WVU overcame an early deficit to claim a 5 point half time lead over the Friars. In the second half Sandy Lyle apparently took the court for the Mountaineers and despite constantly yelling, "Let it Rain," he was as errant as ever. WVU shot 41 threes. 41. And made 9 for a 22% conversion rate including missing the final 6. Rob Summers was the only Mountaineer to shoot over 50% from the field with a 3-3 perfomance. For Providence, Weyinmi Efejuku scored 24 points and added 3 more vowels to his name in a post game press conference. The loss leaves the Mountaineers with these quality road wins; Duquesne, Seton Hall and Rutgers. That's it. And the RPI has fallen to 52. Games remain at Pittsburgh and home v. Cincinatti. Then the Big East Tournament. WVU may need at least two more Ws over the remaining schedule to rest easy.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Heavily Anticipated Update on Noel Devine

Well, maybe not "heavily anticipated", but I've had a few people asking me if I've heard anything new, and by "a few people" I mean my boss who willingly begrudges me a few moments from each of my work days to contribute to this unread blog, so its the least I could do to answer his inquiries. Anyway...

On February 8, so its not exactly new news, Noel Devine's godfather, namely Deion Sanders, submitted an editorial to the News-Press newspaper of Somewhere, Florida. Take it away Prime Time:
Understand this, Noel Devine is like a son to me. I have fame and wealth, so I don’t need anything from him. I have three sons, so I’m not trying to live vicariously through him. My motives are as pure as a child’s love.
Fame? Vicariously? When was the last name anyone talked about you Deion? Oh yeah, that's right, during the recruiting of Noel.

Deion then attacks Noel's high school coach, James Iandoli. Apparently, Mr. Iandoli gave Noel a tongue lashing after Devine fumbled during his last high school game. Ah, so he's got a fumbling problem. Four more years of Jason Colsom anyone?

Deion then goes into each school:
I love my former school, but I wouldn’t recommend the Seminoles. Why? Their record the past few years, their poor offense and their inconsistency at quarterback. You want me to give my blessing to an undersized running back in a situation like that?
That's actually rational. But of course, Bobby Bowden blamed Noel's decision not on rational reasoning, but on the Interwebs, the emails and the ebays.

He then speaks highly of Urban Meyer and the Gators, but thinks its too close to home for Devine. He also speaks highly of Nick Saban who is "saying and doing all the right things and seems to be the disciplinarian coach I’d like for Noel to have, but this is his first year at Alabama. You have to show us something first." And stop letting things like "coon-ass" get recorded even though the story about the coon-ass was suppose to be off record.

Finally, Prime Time discusses our beloved Mountaineers:

That takes us to West Virginia, where Noel verbally committed. I talked to Rich Rodriguez early Wednesday morning. Noel had a wonderful visit, but I was troubled by a couple of things they suggested. They were going to allow Noel to live off-campus with his child’s mother.
I asked Rodriguez what happens if Candace — who I have great respect for and think is a wonderful mother — and Noel have problems like every other relationship in America. God forbid, she decided to leave with the child in the middle of the season. How would that affect Noel, considering all of the loss and tragedy he’s dealt with in his life?
Besides, I don’t agree with freshmen living off-campus, especially considering the problems he had with attendance in high school.
Well, Deion, you have to understand that teenage pregnancy and illegitimate relationships are a matter of course in West Virginia. At least they wouldn't be living in a trailer park with a washer and dryer on the porch next door to Pittsnogle's parents. Or would they? That trailer park beside Chateau would be a convenient place to live considering its proximity to the football complex.

But seriously, how friggin' excited was RR after talking to Deion on the phone?! Holy shit. I bet he walked around all afternoon just saying, "Woot!"

Finally, Deion concludes with a bit of wisdom we've already deduced here at the Bastard Sons: That Devine needs to go to prep school where he can learn to get good at paying people to take his tests and pretend to stay awake in class and do well in school. After all, that's what college is about: getting good grades and getting an education. Look what it did for us and Pac Man Jones. We're all poor with mountains of student debt and Pac Man Jones is walking into strip clubs with garbage bags full of cash inciting riots and shootings.

But in all seriousness, it was unlikely Devine was going to qualify academically this year, so he was going to prep school regardless. He would continue to be recruited by other school while there, so he's letter of intent to WVU would have been worthless anyway. We all hope the kid gets his head on straight and ends up playing D1 college ball, as long as its not for Virginia Tech, Miami or Louisville.

Wise-ass comment contest.

This is an open call for the most clever remark concerning Pac Man and his latest run in with the law. Claiming not to have been a player in the shooting, and leaving the Las Vegas gentlemans club only because there was a triple shooting sounds plausible to me, but I am interested to hear your best quips.

I will start us off by saying that the truth lies undoubtedly in what Jones' attorney and the police may be unaware of- the fact that Pac Man was leaving because he had just been "sacrificed" on stage, got a little salty when whipped too hard with his own belt, then began to tongue lash the dancers (from a distance) with allegations of VD and poor feminine hygiene. It is as yet unclear if those in his entourage were encouraged to hasten his exit- if only for their own dignity or to enjoy a laugh safely away from enraged bouncers. Or he might have been been leaving because of the three man shooting, but that somehow seems less likely to me- a stripper with your belt is defintely more frightening than a stranger shooting other strangers. Let me hear your thoughts.

Mounties celebrate Fat Tuesday with Friars

The Mountaineers take on Providence tonight away from Morgantown, and will hopefully give us a good reason to observe Fat Tuesday afterward. Or should I have spelled that "phat" Tuesday? Woot.

Anyway, the Friars are no slouch. They played the Irish tough, and hung with number 7 Pittsburgh- Curry and Hill put up twenty points each against the Panthers. Providence also edged out the Bearcats by one on February 6- in Cincy.

They have four guys averaging double digits, two averaging more than eight boards, and Hill coming in at 2.6 blocks a night. With West Virginia as their final ranked opponent going into the tourney, look for the Friars to be ready to play.

Lets all hope the new statue stays lucky. Undefeated since its unveiling, the Jerry West statue may well have a neck full of luck. Or maybe candy. Everyone likes candy. The Mounties also have four averaging double figures, but just barely. The Friars play a little deeper too. Lets hope tonight is a good warm up, as our beloved Mounties take on Pitt, at Pitt, one week from tonight

Also, I thought about adding a link or even posting the George Takei PSA from the Jimmy Kimmel Show that I saw on Deadspin this morning, as it is pretty good. But I didn't know how many trekkies read this site, and figure most of you saw it already anyway. Woot.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Thoughts on Government

Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from a farcical aquatic ceremony.

You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you! I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system. Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed! Oh, what a give-away. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about. Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?

Big East Champs

Congratulations to the West Virginia University mens swimming and diving team for winning the 2007 BIG EAST Championship. The 17th ranked team became WVU's third BIG EAST Champion joining football (1993, 2003-2005) and Baseball in 1996. Women's and men's soccer both have regular season titles. Third year coach Sergio Lopez has stated the key to this seasons success has been less peeing in the pool which had caused a lot of eye infections in previous years.

In other sports news the WVU baseball team opened the season at Cleveland State in a three game series in which they went 2 and 1. No word on how little Phil is doing, but I'm sure he is keeping it real.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

For the sake of the kids V

My offseason travels have taken me to Maryland,Penn State, Pitt, and WVU. However, the strangest of my travels was to Blacksburg, Virginia a month ago. I haven't posted about it until know because it was only after weeks of intense therapy that I was able to discuss this day. As I told my therapist, "The last piece of my innocence died that day."

9 a.m. The day started off fine when I met the kids and we entered the athletic facility for a nice breakfast spread including cereal, fruit, bacon, eggs, and juices. I normally don't eat breakfast so I used the time to get the ear of Frank Beamer. After a little small talk I asked him how he felt his program was viewed by those outside of Blacksburg. Coach responded by saying that VT had mad a conscious effort to only recruit kids of the highest moral character and that one or two instances that have been blown up by the media over the years has given VT an unfair name. He then started rocking in his chair repeating "Not our fault" over and over.

10 a.m. As part of his image rehabilitation and probably court mandated community service Marcus Vick arrived to take the kids rollerskating. On the road he kept to himself, but once we got to the skating rink I knew it was trouble when Mike Imoh and Jimmy Kibble met us. Vick immediately let it be known that he wasn't going to help the kids, but find some "hot ass" because this was where it was. He ran around the rink with a bottle of Apple Puckers talking to every 7-13 year old girl he could find. A few of the younger boys took exception to the way Marcus was hitting on their girls and approached him. Unfortunately one of them wasn't a strong skater and went down in front of Vick and was stomped unmercifully. This caused the rest of the pre-teens to rally. It looked like trouble, then Vick pulled a gun. I asked him, "Haven't you seen Boyz in the Hood, now one of us is going to get shot." We immediately got all the kids back in the van and took off. The pre-teens followed on their bikes. Vick pulled a vintage machine gun out from underneath the seat and began firing back yelling he didn't want to be called "Babyface" which he isn't anyway. While passing through one of many Blacksburg cow pastures Vick shot a cow which I didn't think was right, but he did get us back.

11 a.m Back at the athletic complex the kids are visibly rattled. Coach uses his oldest technique of calming down scared youngsters. Out came the orange and brown fingerpaints and everyone made a turkey on construction paper. The best design, by a girl named Samantha, won the price of painting a turkey on Coach's neck.

12 p.m. The kids have calmed down and lunch is served. Hamburgers, hotdogs, and french fries for everyone and things are looking up.

1 p.m. I spoke too soon, this is the last time I checked a clock for the rest of the day. Some of the kids found one of Ron Mexico's "special" waterbottles and began playing keepaway with the new toy. All of the players join in and it is fun for all. For a few minutes, then things turn ugly and violent. They start wrestling for the waterbottle claiming the one who holds it is in charge of "Hokieville." Sean Glennon grasps the waterbottle and tries to calm everyone down, but a group of players chanting "Beamer Ball" take him down and smash his head with a rock.

The place is on the verge of riot and the kids have run off in all directions. I'm ready to do the same when out of the confusion one man speaks and everyone stops. Ron Mexico himself is here and moves to an elevated position to address the players.

Vick: "Can you dig it? Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours... if you can count! Now, look what we have here before us. We got the Offensive Line sitting next to the D-Line. We've got the Wide Receivers right by the D-backs. Nobody is wasting nobody other then Glennon and he sucked anyway. That... is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.

Vick: Now, here's the sum total: One gang could create on entire city of herpes carriers! One gang. Can you dig it? And from there we move on and infect the entire south. No more lawsuits if everybody is infected. Can you dig it? I'm just keeping it real.

Just then a shot rang out and fell Vick. Jimmy Williams had shot Vick because the black and white Nike workout outfit Vick was wearing resembled a referee uniform. Unfortunately for me Williams turned and blamed it on me.

I would have been captured on the spot if not for one stroke of luck. An alarm sounded and the entire complex was put on lockdown. Jim Druckenmiller escaped from his cage. Apparently he bit Bud Foster's mustache off and wore it as his own to enable his escape. The players are in a panic to re-capture him before he can find beer and women.

I take off running, but Bruce Smith rallies a group to chase me down. As I turn a corner Brandon Ore is right in front of me, but luckily he saw the shooting and wants to help me. i ask him where the library is for me to hide. He responds "Briberry?" I realize he has know idea what I'm talking about. He decides to try to hold off the mob with a hand grenade he found. He asks me how to use it and I tell him to pull the pin and throw it. As I take off I remember Ore's not the brightest bulb and turn to explain further in time to see him pull the pin out and throw the pin and the oncoming group. Turning the corner I hear the explosion.

The corner, however, led to a dead end street. Now Bruce Smith and company turn the corner behind me. They are calling me "Big Game" as it seems they like hunting people. With no where to run it will only be seconds until they tear me to shreds. Luckily the alarms brought out a S.W.A.T. team and they arrived on the scene. They pelt Smith and his cronies with pepper spray and pull me out of there. As I leave I can hear the Hokies once again choking as the Big Game slips away from them (and it isn't even November yet).

Friday, February 16, 2007

A Late Signing

According to Rich Rodriguez Pat Lazear has signed a letter of intent to play for WVU. Pat is a four star LB prospect from the DC area and has been in some trouble before. Let's hope the kid has his head on straight as VT, Marshall, and Pitt fans will be scouring the ebays and interwebs for stories of his misconduct.

ESPN College Football as Arrested Development

When are you bankrupt for material you do one of two things; liveblog or compare some group of teams, people, or schools to something in pop culture. I hate liveblogs so here is the ESPN College Football group as cast members of AD.

Kirk Herbstreit--Michael Bluth, the main character and normally upright and dependable, however can also be very self-centered believing in his own opinion and importance over everything else.

Bob Davie--George Michael Bluth, quiet and thank God because normally only starts and stammers come out of his mouth when he speaks. Supposedly good in school (defensive coordinator) but it's hard to believe by looking at him. Just wants Michael to pay attention to him and listen, but Michael is too busy with his own problems including. . .

Brent Musburger--George Bluth, Sr., both have had problems with the law and both go to considerable lengths to attempt to be in control but spend most of the time avoiding either the police or those evil bloggers (for the Mus' at least).

Chris Fowler--Lucille Bluth, the real brains behind the operation as he controls all arguments through his desk on Gameday. Never afraid to let anyone know that he is better than these football neanderthals surrounding just as Lucille hates everyone else. Will belittle anyone going against his will, which actually makes him like able when he calls out Herby on Thursdays.

Lee Corso--GOB, couldn't be anyone else for a costume wearing, love able and hate able at the same time, catchphrase yelling guy. Tries to sound important all the time, but really ends up at home crying to a hooker. You don't want him trying to fix something or predict a winner, he has picked WVU twice in the last 3 years marking the kiss of death each time, but he stubbornly holds on to his decisions (Cal this year) no matter what. Should have kept all rights to the "Banana-grabber".

Rece Davis--Buster, is sheltered and overshadowed by Mother so much that we would like to see what he could do on his own. Somehow we all know that it will never happen.

Lou Holtz--Lindsay, may not make sense but both want desperately to be taken seriously or objectified (the spitting is some form of S & M) but no one will listen to them. Everything they touch whether programs for Holtz or marriage for Lindsay turns to chaos on his watch with him openly pining for a new mate.

Mark May--Tobias Funke, supposed to be a minor character but keeps coming back. Tied in a horrible marriage to Lindsay (Holtz) that can be downright nasty at times. You always know he is going to bring up those sweaty men in the trenches slamming into each other (he is from Pitt, not that there's anything wrong with that).

Trev Alberts--Maeby, the attention starved daughter will do anything to get noticed. Unfortunately for Trev that meant being a rebel and not showing up for work to get some love. He didn't get a studio job, he got fired.

Beano Cook--Oscar Bluth, the lethargic ex-hippie that becomes the whipping boy of the Bluth family taking punch after punch for George. Have you ever heard him call into ESPN radio, they mock him relentlessly. He just came for the free shrimp.

Mike Hall--Annyong, the adopted brother (contest winner) is now the enemy of Buster as he tries to steal affection from Lucile. That one was too easy.

Holly Rowe/Shelly Smith--Ann Veal, may seem forget able but you know what happens to third place beauty contest winners. Mch like Ann getting left in Mexico, Shelly got left in USC for an entire year.

Mike Gottfried--Barry Zuckerkorn, seems lost sometimes and would rather be elsewhere quite possibly a truck-stop and both know balls when they see them.

Ron Franklin--Franklin, one of the best, but needs to filter the comments. Franklin hates whitey, Ron Franklin was moved from Saturday night for the following:

If the coaches are giving up," Rowe added, "what does that say to the players?" Franklin responded: "Holly, it's not giving up. It's 49-21, sweetheart."

In response to that, Mo Davenport, senior coordinating producer for college football said, "It was an inappropriate comment, and we've communicated that to Ron. There's never a reason to say something so mean-spirited. Ron apologized. We dealt with it internally."

Doug Flutie--Steve Holt, not really his fault, but his first year consisted mainly of ESPN showing the "Hail Flutie" much like Steve Holt consisted mainly of raising his arms and yelling "Steve Holt".

Erin Andrews--Rita, known mainly for the looks and accessories. Michael is infatuated with "EA", but can't ever close the deal. She owns Wee-Britain much like EA "owns" all other sideline reporters. She is southern enough she may be the offspring of cousins.

Todd McShay--Bob Loblaw, brought in to skew younger and may have have some important views, but at this point (ESPNU) no one is listening anyway.

Upon further review

After a flurry of instant messages with Option Spread about the fact we have to play on Fridays year after year I decided I might have been premature in my comdenation. So I've decided to create a list of pros and cons to Friday games.

Nationally televised game.
Leave Saturdays open for Bed Bath & Beyond trips (if there's time).
It's not Tuesday.
Shows that ESPN wants us more than Fla. A & M v. U.C. Santa Barbara.
Pam Ward only announces Saturday early games.
Drinking at noon on a Friday.
If we lose, no one watched anyway and I probably won't remember it.
An excuse to do even less work on a Friday.
ESPN2 is like the second most important ESPN station.

Fridays are for high school football and recruits are playing not watching.
Makes it hard for people to travel to the game without skipping work (that may be a pro).
Lou Holtz has announced a Friday game or two.
No one remembers the game by Sunday morning.
Leaves Saturdays open for Bed Bath & Beyond trips.
My whole weekend is essentually over on Friday.
Makes the Big East reek of small time compared to Big10, Pac10, ACC, and SEC.

After some more thought Fridays still suck.

Pride of the Yankees

Well, it could happen to anybody. Anyone who doesn't drive carefully enough to avoid cutting off cops in traffic after last call. Steve Swindal, George's son-in-law and the man in line to take over the reigns of the Bronx Bombers was arrested after four in the morning yesterday in St. Petersburg, FL for a friendly DUI.

Had he not refused the breathalyzer we could get a better idea of his drinking prowess. We do know he failed the field test, and was weaving at 61 in a 35. Impressive. No official comments thusfar aside from apologies from Steve via a spokesman- but it would certainly be fun to be a fly on the wall when Papa George got the news. I can't imagine having a father-in-law like the General.

Official Police Report

On a weekday, what day is this?

Nothing says bigtime football like a game on a Friday. Thursday has actually begun to be accepted as a day that can host a good game, but Friday? Well WVU has the honor of a Friday game this year joining such memorable matchups of years gone by like Toledo-Kansas, Louisville-Middle Tennessee State, and Tulsa-UTEP. This is the second straight year for WVU on a Friday. Somehow I just don't think USC would be asked to do this, but the Big East has to do the bidding of ESPN to keep the TV contract and so the teams keep getting bent over during the week. Pre-season top 10 teams should not have to be "fighting" for T.V. exposure on a Friday. This goes with two Thursday games (MD and Louisville) to once again keep WVU from Saturdays and me from sober at work. Thanks ESPN.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

UCLA-WVU Highlights

The highlights of the UCLA-WVU game have finally made it to youtube. Apologies for the soundtrack. My ears are still bleeding.

According to the youtube description, these highlights are only from the final 16 minutes of the game because the poster's computer messed up. Frankly, I think his computer revolted because of his MP3 collection. But in all fairness, the dude did a fine job of putting this together and we thank him for his contribution.

One Day Late. . .

But happy Valentines Day. Be careful out there.

West Virginia Salaries

Oh the glory of a transparent government. West Virginia has released the West Virginia State Auditor's Office Employee W2 Gross list. It's a fun way to spend a few hours looking up past professors and WVU staff, but keep in mind many of these people make additional income through non-WVU foundation groups or other private contracts that are not open to FOIA yet. Here are some notable numbers for you:

Governor Joe Manchin--$94,999 plus all the coal he can eat during any WVU/Marshall game in any sport.

John Beilein--$848,983 (soon to be rising).

Rich Rodriguez--$1,233,319 (also expecting a nice increase next year).

WVU President--David Hardesty $279,062 plus housing, staff, and vehicles.

WVU Vice-President and WVURC President John Weete--$170,322 apparently the Texas accent worked during negotiations.

College of Law Dean John Fisher--$192,245 apparently it increases by $50,000 for every tier we drop.

Other Law professors b/c we know them:
Dale Olson--$95,057 plus one pair of shiny white sneakers per month.

Vince Cardi--$119,004 for being awesome and I'll fight anyone who disagrees.

Caprice Roberts--$89,096 insert joke about her being hot here.

John Taylor--$88,012 makes more if he can not scare the kids with his laugh.

Tom Cady--$95,597 for reading the same cases every day for the rest of his life.

Women's Bball coach Mike Carey--$126,024 he probably cries when he sees Beilein in the hall.

Women's Soccer coach Nikki Izzo-Brown--$119,890.

Baseball coach G. Van Zant--$73,572.

Wrestling coach Turnbull--$69,112.

Women's Volleyball coach V. Hammersmith--$54,983.

A couple of people who aren't sports related for comparison:
2004 Eberly College Outstanding Teacher Award winner William Taft--$28,234.

Chemistry grad student and Australian ne'er do well Josh Gunn--$17,509.

Marshall salaries:
President Kopp--$232,333 plus he can get a ride with Hardesty if he is in town.

Football coach Mark Snyder--$310,916 or about 100K per win.

Basketball coach Ron Jirsa--$221,720 and he makes double that if they could ever outdraw Huntington High School for one game which unfortunately is unreachable.

The lesson as always: don't listen to your guidance counselors when they tell you to stay in school especially if the "school" is Marshall.

Signs of Spring

Today, as I am sure you are aware, is a glorious day for us all. Despite whatever Punxatawney Phil did or did not see thirteen days ago, we are certainly seeing signs of spring. Today is the day for pitchers and catchers to report to camp. As they make their way to warmer climes, those of us in miserably cold conditions can take solace in the fact that exhibition games are only a few weeks away- so no matter which team you support things are looking up.

In other diamond news, our friend at Deadspin featured a post this morning discussing briefly the deal the Cubbies made with UnderArmour that will surely ruffle a few traditionalist feathers. Being a fan of the legendary ballparks, I admit I am a little disturbed by this myself. This is not a move to be likened to the addition of lights, when Wrigley finally found night games in 1988. That I see as being a legitimate business decision and genuinely good for the game and the fans in Chicago. An UnderArmour ad stuck amidst the now legendary outfield ivy just seems to be a ploy for an easy buck and not a strong reason to taint the asthetics of the "friendly confines" of the Cub fans' cathedral. I am sure they could find some other place to put advertising that would get just as much if not more television coverage. Why not mural the buildings across the street?

The Bastards MLB season preview and predictions are currently in the oven. They are almost done, but your chef has been working lately and is not entirely satisfied yet. I will say that this year should show some improvement for the Bucs, but then again- could it get worse? Oh yeah, lest we forget about the Royals. Bird dog him Frankie. I would never eat here anyway.

WVU Deifies Jerry West

In honor of Zeke from Cabin Creek, WVU is enshrining former all-everything Jerry West with a bronze statue outside of the Coliseum in a ceremony Saturday before the Seton Hall game. In exchange, West has donated an additional $800,000 to the university to be used for basketball scholarships and a study area for the basketball team.

A West Virginia native, West was named All-State high school from 1953-1956 and All-American high school player in 1956, when he was also West Virginia Player of the Year. He averaged 32.2 ppg that year. Thereafter, he played for our very own Mountaineers in an illustrious career in which he averaged 24.8 points and 13.3 rebounds per game. He then went on to play, coach and manage in the NBA. (via Wikipedia)

The statue was sculpted by West Virginia artist Jamie Lester, who is also responsible for the West Virginia quarter and MLB Hall of Fame busts for two guys from some irrelevant baseball team. Unfortunately, the final version of the statue was not free from outside influence. The sports fanatic Lester followed the NFL playoffs closely. Consequently, he was continually bombarded with Peyton Manning interviews, games and commercials and has admitted that subconsciously it affected his work, especially around the neck of the statue.

The statue provides a great defense for WVU when they elect to name the Coliseum and/or floor after John Beilein instead of Jerry West in an smooth contract negotiation tactic recommended by some unread blog.

As follow up pieces, Jamie Lester is reportedly working on a three dimensional recreation of Pittsnogle's tatoos and a 15' replica of Frank Young's facial hair.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

When it rains it pours.

I suppose it is appropriate that the day after suffering a humiliating defeat to Georgetown- btw, has anyone talked to her lately? Our beloved Mountaineers are featured on Deadspin again. In much the same vein as the article highlighting our world champion male twirler, they have a nice video clip of the YMCA dancer. If that guy isn't embarassed I suppose we shouldn't be either, um, woot? It is just your authors humble opinion that it would be nice to be known for other things when it comes to deadspin. We are much cooler than their beloved Illini, aren't we? Maybe that could explain things a little.

While I do appreciate their fondness of the gentleman pictured herein, I just wish they didn't latch on to every sideline attraction that makes (at least a few) Mountaineer fans cringe and think, "I hope deadspin doesn't find this." I personally saw the YMCA dance at the Pitt game, where it obviously failed to deliver the magic it did in the UCLA win.

I don't want you to get the wrong idea about this post. I have no problem with that guy doing his YMCA dance, it is pretty funny when he does the pelvic thrusting. Nor do I take issue with a guy a who aspires to twirl batons while clad in glitter- and apparently he is a world champion. I would simply prefer to see more aggrandizement of the team than I have seen lately. I can't believe I got as salty about that post as I have. On the other hand, I am not so salty as to start pushing others- and certainly not so salty as to do such under the giant baseball cap on High Street. I guess in the spirit of things- you should watch the deadspin clip of our boy. Should we see about adding him somewhere near our boy Lorello? Or does he have to cockblock somebody first? I dunno how that works exactly. Woot.

Monday, February 12, 2007


Roy Hibbert was 4-5 from the floor and scored 20 points. Georgetown shot almost 60% from the field. WVU was out rebounded by 16. Half of WVU's field goal attempts were from three with only 9 makes. Georgetown punched WVU right in the face, bloodied their nose, and only John Beilein was willing to fight back. Hopefully WVU can learn from this turd because 2 out of the next 3 teams on the schedule (Providence and Pitt) will also pound the ball inside in the exact same manner.

Round of Reubens

The injuries to Joe Mazzulla and Devan Bawinkel are killing Darius Nichols. In the last 6 games Darius is averaging 39 minutes of playing time per game. He could use a rest tonight on a quick turnaround vs. Georgetown.

WVU played that game at an 11 on the intensity meter. The Mountaineers increased their intensity and toughness and held their own for 32 minutes of the game. In both halves UCLA went on 4 minute runs of dominance. The short bench and the intensity may have caused both of those runs as WVU couldn't sustain the energy for an entire half.

The WVU athletic department should either open the bank to Beilein or name the court after him. He's only been here five years, but he can't leave if the court is named after him. Right?

Clark Kellogg described Da'Sean Butler as follows: "I love his package and he's got a real nice stroke." Then there was thirty seconds of akward silence.

UCLA set up perfectly for WVU because of a lack of inside scoring. Georgetown, on the otherhand, depends on the inside play of Hibert and Green which makes them a tougher matchup. Hibert had a season high 23 against Marquette on Sat., he will be looking to increase that against WVU's interior defense.

Alex Ruoff looks much more comfortable shooting a three than finishing on a layup. He may need to start finishing with the left hand on those backdoor attempts.

In the last two weeks WVU has had their RPI go from the mid fifties to 38.

Finally, I watched Duke-MD because I wanted to see this underdog Duke team and they are never usually on t.v. Does Duke not recruit black dudes? I mean WVU is white, but Duke makes them look like the Harlem Globetrotters.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

A suggestion

There just isn't enough live blogging going on today on the interwebs. I'm hoping that someone will step in and fill that void. Maybe a liveblog of 60 Minutes? Or maybe a nice live blog of what they had for dinner complete with witty comments about lumpy potatoes and the greatness of Dew. It's the best.

Supremacy of the Dew

While I am not quite sure what to make of our most recent attempt at live blogging, I will say that it might have been more exciting just to focus on what we know, and what we are truly good at. This could be an great opportunity for many wise remarks, but I digress. Where does our true talent lie? What inspires us more than most things? Dew. Lets try to keep the focus more on the dew, and not post epics about things you should not watch anyway. Woot?

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Well, Guess I'm drinking RC Cola from now on.

Apparently Coke doesn't do market research very well. During the first commercial break of the second half of the UCLA-WVU game, this commercial aired:

Its been reported that Nick Bennet, the star of the above travesty of an adverstisement, once set his Coke down during a game. This lack of commitment, similar to the Vick brothers' lack of commitment to organized laws and human decency, directly led to an infection of herpes, sexual assualt on minors and a tsunami. Way to go you Hokie piece of shit. I'm 1000% positive that applying Coke to herpes sores does not speed the healing of herpes outbreaks.

Seriously Coke, why would you air that during a West Virginia game? What single team do we hate more than anything, other than maybe Pitt? Surely someone, somewhere in your markeing department knows this. If not, type "Virginia Tech rivals" into google. But on the other hand, I imagine it would be hard to find a Moutaineer fan with a Coke-game tradition that didn't involve Jack Daniels.

This is really heart breaking for me. I've always drank Coke, but Pepsi is down right god awful, so it looks like RC Cola from here on out.

Oh, and WVU is up 19 on UCLA with like 13 minutes to go. Woot!

Update while editing: Lead down to 7. Crap.

The Most Elitest Awesomeness Ever*

Or so they say.

So Showtime has been promoting this thing at least 5-6 hours now, its mixed martial arts with which I'm not too familiar, but I'll still give it a shot and psuedo live blog this because 1) the old lady is out with her friends 2) I'm getting drunk and 3) it should be easy to make fun of this trainwreck.

The ladies look nice. I wish I had HD, I'm sure I would have seen cameltoe.

The entrance from the locker rooms comes under a giant Barbaro head with fiery eyes and smoking nostrils, confirming that Showtime has a softspot for sources of glue.

Demonstrating this event's importance, the very first fighter introduced, Charles "Crazy Horse" Bennett stopped halfway down the ramp, answered his cell, had a 5 minute conversation, and then finished his entrance to the ring.

Extreme is the word of the night. "Extreme antipathy" was just uttered by the announcers.

Bennett is an asshole, but does backflips off the top of the cage to celebrate his TKO of the other guy with about a minute left in the first round. And now he's struting around the cage. I hate hate that shit.

"It went down quicker than the Titantic." which sank in 2 hours and 40 minutes. I know because I have the special edition DVD. I'm not yet sure whether he was talking about Bennett's opponent or this MMA series.

Bennett says "shit" about 30 times in a 20 second interview. I do like the fact its on Showtime and he can say such gems as "Those fucking leg kicks hurt like a mother fucker."

Next up: CHICKS!! Well, not chicks like that. Its chicks fighting. Julie Kedzie v. Gina Carano. How nice will this be?! There fucking better be pudding or whipcream involved. Oh shit, Kedzie: That's a man, baby! But Carano is actually kinda hot:

Kedzie has a huge jaw, usually a disadvantage in a fight, but a great target in a bukkake. Carano is wearing a lot of clothes. I am not happy. Carano's dad was a former backup QB for the Cowboys. According to the analyst, Carano wants to go to the ground. So do I. End of round 1. Carano 1 - Kidzie 0 - Boners 1. We're are debating whether Manjaw his wearing a thong under her trunks. We have thong confirmation. At the end of two, I am thoroughly convinced Carano would kick my ass. And it wouldn't even be close. But I still volunteer to spar with her. Fight ends, and they make out in the corner. Corano wins. I gotta be honest with you, that will probably be the best fight of the evening. And now, by regulation, we must check you both for penii. What? That's not in the regulations?

Sorry, we took a break to laugh at Chad Johns... HUGH!! And this third fight is boring anyway.

OK, we're back. And continuing the big chin theme, Antonia Silva takes on Wesley Correira. These guys are "super heavy weights" and that might be the only think understated during this entire broadcast. Big fat white guy with lots of tatoos, allegedly "raised in the tradition of moi tai". Yeah, probably not. There is currently a combined 550 lbs of fighter in the cage. Sylva weighs 270 or so, 240 of which is in his chin. Correira has less hair than Jamie Smalligan. Correira's nickname is "Cabbage". That's what he smells like. Bill Goldberg had been a guest commentator/promotional guy all evening. He was just referred to as "former NFL star". Sylvia manages not to be drug down by his chin and wins in a first round TKO. Post fight interview: "I don't really remember... HUGH!!!" Correira returns to a locker room of egg rolls and sauerkraut.

And now for the main event: Gracie vs. Shamrock. But its not that Gracie vs. Shamrock. Royce Gracie dominated the first few UFCs, and Ken Shamrock was good... against Jeff Jarrett in WWF while wearing a straight jacket. But this contest is not between the two MMA future hall of famers. This fight is between two third cousins of those guys, Renzo Gracie vs. Frank Shamrock. Renzo comes out to Evanessence. Can you really be a bad ass if you come out to Evanessence? Shamrock comes out to Born in the USA. His nose is really, really, really fucked up. Its an improvement!

According to the ring announcer, Shamrock hasn't lost in 10 years. I think that he's never lost in 10 years of Showtime televised MMA events. Fight starts, and at the 3:55 mark, Gracie employs the standard ball-drag-across-the-face move.

They announce that tonight's crowd ever for a MMA event in North America.

Showtime's 15 second rule, specifically, if nothing happens on the ground in 15 seconds, the ref stands them up, is really going to fuck with the Brazilian Jujitsu strategy. Towards the end of the first round, Gracie has Shamrock in half guard, but Shamrock is countering with knees to the ribs. Gracie counters that with one more ball-drag-to-the-face move.

In an outrageous display of stereotyping, similar to that of AOL's Fanhouse's stereotyping of Mountaineer fans, the announcers comment that Shamrock does not have the "luck of the Irish on his side" at this point.

The action stops when Shamrock knees Gracie in the back of the head and gets a point deducted. The ref mocks Shamrock by raising his hand during the pause, Shamrock celebrates and then gets a point deducted. Gracie acts like a bitch by taking all 5 minutes of "recovery time" for the "illegal blow". I've watched signifcantly more boxing than MMA, but no one in recent memory from boxing has taken the full 5 minutes for a low blow. Gracie is really eating this shit up. They're putting a neck brace on Gracie and now he's a total bitch. At this point, I'm sure they're stopping the fight. "Its like getting hit in the back of the head with a baseball bat." The announcer says. What I can't figure out is why Gracie would fake this injury because, frankly, he was winning the fight at this point. Gracie leaves the ring with medical staff and this is getting wild.

The ref calls the knee to the back of the head "intentional" and DQ's Shamrock. The crowd is obviously upset. Shamrock claims he's "old school" which apparently means he'll be running around naked looking for a KFC.

Biggest cope out ever. Gracie's manager comes out, cries, talks about the brutality of things: "This isn't 'Nam! There are rules! I had buddies who died faced down in the muck..." Gracie allegedly has a concussion from a "rabbit knee". The fans hate him. Shamrock has stated at least 28 times that "he came to fight" as if his presence in the ring didn't already imply that.

And Showtime's first MMA event ends in controversy. I managed to get a decent buzz on, with many hours of booze consumption ahead of me. The fights, excluding the last one, were surprisingly good. Bill Goldberg is still hanging around waiting to spear someone. The great thing about Goldberg is all his comments end weirdly, i.e:

"So, Bill Goldberg, what did you think about this fight tonight?"

"I thought it was great. It was like this other fight I saw one time." Followed by a 5 minute pause while everyone else in the building waited for Goldberg to give the details, which never came.

Anyway, its over. I'm going to focus on booze now.

*The above psuedo live blog has been reposted in its entirety after some infighting between the various factions at Bastard Sons. We apoligize to those of you who despise live blogs, but fuck it. Who cares. W00t!

Friday, February 9, 2007

1-3-1 Explained. Sorta.

Found this nice little clip on youtube. First it explains how to set up College Hoops 2k7 to run the 1-3-1. But then, it goes into how exactly the 1-3-1 works to shut down passing lanes (its even got slow motion!). Plus, the producers used the Mountaineers to demonstrate.

How friggin' nice does the Colliseum look, eh? I can't tell from the vid, but Frank Young had better have his facial hair.

But dude, seriously, we do not get out rebounded every game, and even if we did, you don't have to say it so damn smugly. Bastard.

And now you know... sorta.

Thanks for the memories...

A fond look back at all that we admired about our departed friend Anna. Well, I think she would have liked us anyway. Why wouldn't she?

This posting is not intended as a simple opportunity to stare at her boobies. This is a very serious and introspective look back at a woman we should all admire- and not just because of her boobies and history of dancing in, well... booby bars. She is the American dream, and for that I know we would all pretend to respect her in the morning. Boobs. Boobs. You motorboatin sonofabitch- you old sailor you! Where is she? Is she still in the house?

UCLA-WVU Preview

After an embarrasingly poor performance against Pitt Wednesday night, the Mountaineers are faced with what amounts to a must win game if they aspire to attend the big dance. Unfortunately, the opponent in that game is the #2 team in the land, the UCLA Bruins. I stumbled upon a great preview of the game by Rob Carpentier, courtesy of via Obviously, it is UCLA biased, but that's what makes it great - its from the UCLA site, but still very complimentary of the Mountaineers. This is a trend I've noticed over the last several seasons, football and basketball, as both team's performance have cemented the Mountaineers as contenders in basketball and football year in/year out as opposed to "too poor to throw quarters, they'll throw pennies" comments. On to the preview:

Beating UCLA is far more important for WVU’s NCAA prospects than beating Pitt. UCLA has a higher RPI ranking, it is a non-conference game (which the selection committee looks at as gold, especially a high-profile one this late in the year), and the Bruins come from a higher-ranked RPI conference and are the #2 ranked team in the country.
This is really a game that is going to come down to tactics rather than individual match-ups. That’s because Beilein will employ what has become his trademark, unorthodox 1-3-1 zone defense. This defense traps to the wings and the corners and does a good job of moving opponents laterally. The WVU zone has probably replaced Syracuse’s 2-3 and John Chaney’s Temple 1-3-1 match-up as the most effective zone in college basketball.
But I’m not so worried about the Bruins on the offensive end, but rather on the defensive end. WVU runs a spread style offense that is similar to what Oregon runs and what Stanford did in the second half of the game in Palo Alto, at least in principle. WVU doesn’t have the penetration skills of Oregon, but they rebound on the offensive end much better. They are better on the perimeter than Stanford, but they don’t post up as well as the Cardinal. But the principle is the same; that teams that spread the Bruins out give them trouble, and West Virginia will spread them out. That’s what scares me.
I think that’s what the game is ultimately going to come down to; who shoots well from behind the arc.
After Wednesday's performance, I would expect the Mountaineers to shoot well in a bounce-back kind of way.
Here’s my prediction: This game stands a good chance of going to overtime.
The article also breaks down individual matchups and is pretty spot on. The only exception I can see is the author claims Alexander isn't very athletic. I would only clarify that Alexander is not very athletic when dunking the ball.

Poor shooting is doubly bad for WVU as they typically return to man converage after missed shots at the offensive end and while this team is significantly more athletic than prior years, we probably still won't match up well man-to-man against the Bruins.

Other previews:
Charleston Daily Mail

Wha' Happened?

Reading up on recruiting is kind of like reading up on how hot dogs are made. You know it's going to be bad, but snouts. Really? Is that necessary? An interesting story has been developing in Louisville regarding signing day. According to a Jacksonville paper Chris Summers, a 6'5'' WR prospect from Florida, had his scholarship offer pulled on signing day. Summers high school coach believes this was done intentionally to keep him from other schools. Rivals had his list down three school in the Big East: Cincinatti, USF, and UL.

Ribault coach Arthur Mallory said he was stunned when a Cardinals assistant coach left a message on his answering machine indicating that Summers would not be sent scholarship papers.

Summers, a receiver, committed to Louisville under former coach Bobby Petrino's staff, but according to Mallory, the staff under new head coach Steve Kragthorpe contacted Summers regularly and never indicated his commitment was no longer wanted.

"The message said he didn't ever commit to the old staff, so they weren't going to honor it," Mallory said. "But I was in the room when he committed over the phone. I was there. And I had the USF [South Florida] staff all mad at me because I encouraged him to do it. Basically, the new staff is trying to pass the buck to the old staff, and it's unprofessional as it can be."

Summers is qualified academically. Mallory said Summers would have had other options had Louisville rescinded his offer sooner, but the timing has left Summers with no place to sign because other interested schools have filled their available spots.

From Monday on the Louisville Courier blog,

It does look like U of L won’t sign Jacksonville (Fla.) Ribault wide receiver Chris Summers, who told several media outlets that he had pretty much eliminated the Cardinals. Summers had originally committed to U of L before coach Bobby Petrino left.

Another source states that Summers was favoring Miami after Petrino left, only Miami never offered the young man and he was never listed as a verbal commit there. The same article stated that Summers was going to go back to Louisville if Miami wasn't interested.

So either there was some confusion and Louisville thought Summers was going elsewhere or they screwed over a kid worse than Gary Glitter because there had to be some communication between the parties. If so, Kragthorpe possibly knew that Summers wanted back in and waited until signing day as revenge for Summers re-opening his recruiting after Petrino left. History has proven that being the head coach of Louisville requires a loose sense of loyalty, but even Bobby Petrino thinks this may be over the line.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

WVU off target v. Pitt

Earlier in the year the worry here was about the slow starts the basketball team was getting off to on the road. Well this has turned into a season long theme that has extended into the Coliseum. Last night WVU scored 17 first half points. The football team scored 24 in the first half against Pitt. A brief second half burst got the Mountaineers back into the game. Of course the Mountaineers also wilted at the end last night and scored just 2 points in the final 4:46. The team finished with a 47-60 loss which is two more points than the football team scored. Though in all fairness the football team sat on the ball when they could have scored in the last few minutes.

WVU played a live by the three die by the three game last night and it lead to 32.7% shooting including 6 of 27 from three (22%). The lack of makes kept WVU out of the 1-3-1 defense which seemed effective vs. Pitt. Da'Sean Butler continued to play well for WVU as he led the team with 14 points and was consistently the only player willing to drive at Aaron Gray (although it did end in a majority of Butler's shots in the paint being blocked). Gray finished with 14 for Pitt and Sam Young had a career high 21. In an interesting piece of strategy, WVU went small versus Gray for the majority of the game and covered him with Butler and Nichols. This actually was the most effective defense against the big guy. Although he had a 3 foot height advantage Pitt struggled with the inlet pass and Gray was unsure against the smaller guys unless within a foot or two. Summers and Smalligan were unable to slow Gray down when in the game and spent most of the second half working on a level three Sudoku together.

WVU had open looks all night, but couldn't get anything to fall. Last night the team shot too many threes early in the game before any shooting rhythm was developed. Also, the Mountaineers stood around on offense near half court for 20 seconds of the shot clock with no movement on too many possessions. These possessions inevitably ended in a long three with a few seconds on the shot clock. It appeared that Alexander could drive all night, but only did so for about a 5 minute stretch in the second half. Even then Joe had a tendency to attempt the layup while falling away from the basket making the degree of difficulty much higher. In the end 27 of 49 shots were threes and they just weren't going in last night. In addition, WVU seemed content to stand 5 around the three point line and fire up a three from 30+ feet instead of attack the big guys of Pitt in the lane. However, the team has a chance to rebound quickly with #2 UCLA coming to town on Saturday.

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

Class of 2007

As mentioned below WVU has finished up recruiting for the 2007 class with National Signing Day. Now a few walk-ons could be added or a late signing, but here is the class of 2007 with the information via Rivals.

Click here to see what Coach Rodriguez had to say about each one of the signees

Offensive line had three commitments all around the 280-300 weight. WVU has been recruiting smaller linemen due to the zone blocking schemes. All three linemen were rated three stars by Rivals.

Defensive line picked up a nose tackle listed anywhere from 340 to 400 pounds in Asa Chapman and Morgantown product Junius Lewis at DE and another three star DE with 4.65 speed.

Linebackers had a two star and three star LB and a JUCO transfer (3 star). Vince Harris, a three star out of Cincinnatti is listed with 4.5 speed. Speed in the LB group is the one area in need of serious upgrade.

WVU also secured signatures from 3 "athletes" who could end up at WR, RB, QB, DB, or LB depending on growth. Two three star and a two star signatures.

DB was a position of concern last year and WVU went hard after quality Dbacks. A two star, four three stars and a four star JUCO were all signed.

WR had three signees at two stars apiece.

RB was the most flux position of the class with Victor Anderson committing and then going to UL and the Noel Devine infatuation late. However, WVU did manage to get a four star RB out of Maryland before Fridge ate him and a two star out of Florida.

QB had two signees in Morgantown product Charlie Russell and Bradley Starks out of VA. Starks was a four star recruit with 4.4 speed while Russell is more of a traditional quarterback with 4.97 speed.

It is impossible at this juncture to predict the outcome of this class, but this class has the most number of 3 or better star players under Rich Rod. 18 players in this class are 3 or better with 14 being the previous high from a 2005 class that included Gwaltney, Slaton, Reed Williams, Jarrett Brown, and Quinton Andrews as players already making contributions in big games. This class is currently 36 via Rivals and 25 at Scout. This class will hopefully provide some immediate depth to the team with the potential for future stars in Terence Kerns, Brandon Hogan, Bradley Starks and Evan Rodriguez. Immediate help is most likely from Ellis Lankster at corner and Archie Sims at LB as both are JUCO transfers. It will take time for the linemen on both sides to become ready to play and hopefully most of the kids can stay with the program for 4 years and contribute. For instance in the class of 2003 I can find only 9 still in the program.

Noel, Noel

National signing day has turned into a bizarre mix of pseudo-celebrity, betrayal, money (at least for USC), and devastated suitors crying over what could have been. In other words it is a great soap opera. Today 25 commitments will have signed with West Virginia University, but everyone is talking about not them, or the Pitt basketball game, but the mystery of Noel Devine. Devine reportedly verbally committed to WVU yesterday to close out his recruiting and called a 1 p.m. press conference to announce today. Deion Sanders, never one to miss a press conference, arrived this morning and convinced Devine that abstinence is the best policy, at least with signing a Letter of Intent.

Devine could still sign with FSU, Florida, Alabama, or WVU within the next few weeks, but it appears as though he is off to prep school for a year. This will give Devine a chance to make sure he qualifies academically before signing. The biggest question with Devine before this morning was would he qualify. If he did not he would have been off to prep school anyway and the rest of the nation could have continued to recruit him.

So instead he will stay uncommitted in military school so that he make sure he has lots of love letters from schools all over the country. I have already written a template for all universities to feel free to use for Noel.

Dearest Noel:

How are you doing? Hope all is well. I was putting N.D. + (insert school here) on a chalk board the other day with hearts around it for three hours before I realized what I was doing. I feel like such a little school girl around you. I saw your latest video. You were soooo hot. My heart was beating so fast when that big guy almost got you, but then you got away. I was sooooo happy for you. For us. I think about you all of the time. You and me. Together. Forever. Running and jumping and spinning. In tight pants. Did you hear about (insert coach from other team here)? I know you still talk to him, but I heard he has been all over town with other running backs. In fact he told me he is sooooo over you. And he is so out of touch isn't he. He asked me how to text message on a rotary phone. LOL.

I have included a candy bar. I know you have a sweet tooth. Don't tell anybody, I could get in trouble. We're so naughty together aren't we. LOL. Inside the candy bar is another "present" and I hope you can buy yourself something nice with it. Maybe NCAA 2008. Did you see where we are ranked in that game? It just isn't the same without you in it. We could have been #1, but I made you anyway. You are a 100 in every category in my game. You should see your stats, you have 4,300 yards in 6 games. We are so awesome together.

You haven't been seeing anybody else have you? I sent you all those hats and shirts and when I see you after the game you are never wearing them. Are you breaking up with me? What do I have to do? I can change. I'll be just like before I promise. Don't you ever leave me. I have friends. I can make your life very difficult. I know where you live. I'm sorry. Don't be mad. I love you. Why won't you say it back? Just once I'd like to hear it.

Anyway I'm rambling now. You do that to me. I just get so excited when I think of you. I'll text you later.

Love always and forever,


Boo to Deion

Tuesday, February 6, 2007


Tomorrow is national signing day. As of now WVU is back up to 26 commits including the OMG !1!1!1!1! number one running back in the nation. His name is Noel Devine and he is a bigger signing than Jason Gwaltney so you know it is going to work out well. The young man comes with some baggage but had the good sense to not let Deion Sanders suck his soul dry to get his name back in the news, adopt him. If Devine signs he will have spurned both the hypnotic mashed peas of Bobby Bowden and the siren song of Nick Saban (which is really Nick shouting coon-ass over and over). Youtube is chock full of clips in which Noel runs around and around and around like below as apparently he either is really good or played against really fast but poor tackling pee wee league teams.

There will be more about the class tomorrow after the signatures are in and there are new Mountaineers to talk about.

Monday, February 5, 2007

The glass ceiling

Minority coaches have been attempting to break through the glass ceiling for years and took a step towards that last night by winning a Super Bowl. However, a great night for all minority coaches, with Tony Dungy's victory, was marred by a crushing loss on the same evening for Lovie Smith leaving black coaches at .500 for the big game. Because minority coaches were not hired early on in NFL history, and have been historically underrepresented in numbers, it isn't fair to count the all-time Super Bowl victories. However, it would have been a huge feather in minority candidates caps for them to have a lead in winning percentage. Unfortunately, Lovie Smith could not come through with his opportunity leaving black coaches tied with white coaches in all-time winning percentage at 1-1 compared to 40-40. It is rather unfortunate because if black coaches could have gotten to 2-0 last night it would have been truly historic.