You Just Knew This Was Coming

Hat Tip: Senor Viego

Mountaineers Defeat Marquette 79-64

Woot! Woot! Damn the screen door! I didn't get to watch much of the game due to the installation of a screen door but we looked good today from what I saw. Certainly much better than we did against Notre Dame. I'm hoping one of the other Bastards is going to post something about this, because it was a huge win in every way possible! Because I didn't watch most of the game, I'm not the man for the job.

In the mean time, head over and check out Marquette blog, Cracked Sidewalks. They have a nice preview of the game up on their site. And I'm sure they'll get a wrap up soon.

Fiesta Roundup from the Blogosphere

Wow, I'm still a bit punch drunk from last night! The words that flowed so freely from my fingers last night from the dairy goodness of beer, stuff, and a huge ass victory fail me at the moment. So how bout we step aside and let the rest of the blogosphere put it into perspective for us.

Sunday Morning Quarterback:

Under the circumstances, the Mountaineers' emotion was more impressive than its outstanding offensive execution, which was plenty impressive on its on, especially operating without Steve Slaton, as it has to a greater and greater extent as Pat White has become the focal point of the running game. Passion is an overrated factor in the outcome of sports, because it so rarely lasts past the first few hits and can be manufactured fairly easily in dramatic moments, but West Virginia put on one long, sustained, tear-filled party for its state Wednesday, a showcase for a team and a place coming together when the outside world looked at one disastrous December and left them for dead.

Every Day Should Be Saturday:

And last night, after lighting the powder keg for the Mountaineers, Owen Schmitt broke down and cried when Oompa-Loompa/sideline reporter Laura Okmin asked him how he felt about the game. Schmitt, bloody and mohawked, got about halfway through his answer before he wept. Okmin kept pestering him and nearly ruined the moment….nearly. This moment was as bulletproof and armored as Schmitt’s adamantine forehead.

Owen Schmitt, we love you and the double-steel reinforced skullhammer known as your head. We watch college football through a miasma of cynicism and snark, but some things burn those clouds off and expose college football for what it can be: mute, teary glory. Thank you for the sunshine and bent face-masks, Owen. We hope you get all the red meat, boobs, and cash you can handle out of this life.

Awful Announcing:

In all of my years watching Sports I don't think I've ever heard someone refer to a player as a "Runaway Beer Truck". Thanks to Matt Vasgersian's call of this Owen Schmitt touchdown I can cross it off my list.....

With Leather:

Oh, right: the game itself. West Fuckin' Virginia more or less dominated Oklahoma in a 48-28 win, which is fine with me because Oklahoma flat-out blows as a state, whereas WFV at least has some charm in the way it embraces its couch-burning culture.

Pitt Blather:

Having said that, West Virginia absolutely humiliated the Oklahoma Sooners with a 20 point win, 48-28. I admit it. I was cheering for them. If for no other reason, then the whole Big East bashing crap goes away for another year.
Everyone was picking against them — for good reason.

Seeing Owen Schmitt break down on national TV actually moved me. Well, except for the whole, “I love this state,” part

Beat Visitor:

Go Mountaineers! The entire Big East is rooting for you in your quest to beat the 16 or 17 men on the field who are playing against you in the Fiesta Bowl right now (it's great to be an unaffiliated blogger, not only can you call a bullshit call a bullshit call, but you don't have to mention the brand name of the pseudo-Mexican obesity-inducing corn chips that are part of the Fiesta Bowl's official name). As I write this, Noel Devine just made it 27-15 (but really 27-9 at the most). Show no mercy. Go for the jugular! Go Mountaineers! Go Big East!

I've probably taken up too much space as it is, so I won't quote our fine fellow West Virginia Blogs, but they are most certainly deserving of links as well!

West By God Virginia
We Must Ignite This Couch
WV Mountaineer Sports
Let's Go Drink Some Beers
Lend Me Your Eers

Get to Know Brian Jozwiak

Yeah, it's game day. For reasons other than the game itself, today is a huge day for West Virginia football. This is a chance to wipe away the memories of the loss to Pitt and to start building for 2008. I'm nervous! Not scared, but nervous in anticipation of what West Virginia will be able to do against the Sooners. I haven't felt this way since the Louisville game of 06. I haven't written as much about it because of other things that have kept my attention away from what will take place in Tempe today. But the big game feeling is there. I have no intention of predictions or analysis. But rather something that fired me up.

I met Brian Jozwiak once in 1989. My band was playing at Bentley's (now called Sam's) during the golf tournament at Berry Hills CC. Brian and Brad Hunt were out hitting the bars in Charleston and stopped by to give us a listen. After a few songs, Brian came up and offered to buy each of us a shot of Wild Turkey if we would play Cocaine. We didn't tell him that that was the next song on our list, but we played it and drank the shots anyway. And that's pretty much what the rest of the night was like. Play a song, do a shot. Luckily everyone in the bar was as drunk as we were. He only talked to me once all night. He came up and shook my hand (which I was afraid he was going to crush it and end any chance I had at a musical career right then) and pointed at our drummer and said, " I bet he could kick your ass! And if he can't I WILL!" Maybe he thought I needed to hear that. I don't know. But I get the feeling that I must have played it right the rest of the night as the shots kept coming. I know it was all in jest, but you tend to take the word of a man that is 6'6", 320. Anyway, that's about as much as my memory allows me to remember meeting Brian Jozwiak.

On the field, he is a big part of the time I spent developing my loyalty to WVU sports. I was at the 1984 games against Penn St. and BC. There is no exaggeration in what he says about the crowd at Mountaineer Field back in those days. Maybe it's because we were always the underdog beating the Heisman candidate, etc, instead of the other way around. But anyway, I saw this on Youbube and got a little fired up just watching and remembering. And I hope it does the same for you as you get ready for tonights game.

Be Loud! Be Safe! and.......

Let's Go!.........Mountaineers!

Lazy Mountaineer Links

I sympathize with everyone out there that is just plain tired of waiting and worrying about who the next coach will be. I'm so tired of thinking about it or trying to come up with the next angle on it. If the administration is thinking about holding off on an announcement until after the bowl, how's bout throwing the dog a bone? We'd all like to get back to our lives, or get back to selling our beard.

Josh Jenkins has withdrawn his commitment from WVU. That doesn't mean that he isn't going to end up signing for WVU, but until a new coach is named he's playing out his options. We'd all like to think that he would stay with West Virginia no matter what, but he shouldn't be criticized about it. He has a bright future ahead of him, and this is going to be a big decision for him. If I had my way, I would stay as far away as possible from the flesh merchant world that is college football recruiting.
But Jenkins is a little special since he is a WV native.

Pat White intends to be back at WVU next season. Just in case you needed a reason to smile. Steve Slaton is testing the waters, and should. Not that I want him to leave, but if he has a chance to be drafted where he wants to be drafted he needs to grab that gold while it's out there. So yeah, I hope there are a lot of stupid general managers out there that don't see a great pick when they see one. Speaking of that, Owen Schmitt is "hoping" to be drafted. If you watched the Maryland-WVU game when the announcers were telling Ray Lewis how much Schmitt could lift and seeing the surprise on Lewis's face, you knew it meant something. There's still a need for a fullback that can line up at tight end in the NFL.

West By God has stayed on top of the Jones interviews/withdraws/retraction of withdraw story by Sporting News. I have to say that I was impressed with Central Michigan last night. Not that I think Perdue is anything special, but bringing the team out the way he did for the second half was most impressive. My only question, what happened in the first half that he had to whip out the mother of all pep talks?

Angry Eer has a message for Rodriguez.

Did you ever wish you were somewhere else?

Fudge

But I didn't say fudge when I found out that Jimbo Fisher wasn't going to be the new coach of the Mountaineers. No, I used the big one! The F--- word! Mainly because if Jimbo Fisher would have been named the coach, that would mean that Terry Bowden would not be the coach. And that would have made me happy. I probably would have used the same word, but it would have had a completely different meaning. But now chances are much better that I will be using that word again. Because Terry Bowden's chances are much better to be our next coach.

I still say that WVU is crazy not to at least look at Bud Foster. Screw the fact that he coaches at Virginia Tech. In all this race to get a "West Virginia Guy" we've forgotten that we just lost a "West Virginia Guy." Foster is a proven commodity. There is no question that he can teach, and there is no question that he is a motivating force on that team.

It's about time that we quit being afraid that someone is going to leave us, because it just happened. Let's get the best guy for the job. And if he leaves, we get the best guy for the job. There is a pretty rich talent pool of able coaches out there year after year. If we get someone that people want to steal away, that means we're pretty good!!! Let that sink in for a second. Now say it with me, we want to be good more than we want to have the same coach for the next twenty years.

I liked Don Nehlen. He was great for West Virginia. Not just WVU Football. But he also used to drive me bat shit crazy with his lack of confidence. Playing not to lose. Lack of control of the team the night before the Sugar Bowl. And on and on and on.

We should be looking for someone that is motivated to make themselves eligible for other, higher paying jobs. Not someone that wants to retire here upon taking the job. And that tells me all I want to know about Terry Bowden. I'm sure he's a heck of a guy, but that's not necessarily what I want in a coach. I want someone here that is looking to make a name for themselves, not living off their father's.

But hey, I just wrote a song called Mercenary for Hire. Don't listen to me.

Merry Christmas Mountaineer Fans!

WVU ranked #1 in most recent poll.

Well, the reviews are out and while our beloved law school may continue to slip in the rankings and the B-school average starting salary may be a 1/3 of its competitors, WVU does do two things well. According to the most recent Princeton review, WVU ranks #1 in Party schools and, relatedly, #1 where students rarely study.

I attended WVU for three years and I've got to admit, I really don't know where the Princeton Review got their data. I (and the other two Bastards) spent every evening locked in the library earnestly studying to become future positive contributors to society. Not once did we ever lock ourselves in Mutts until 6 a.m. or chug 8 red bull and vodka's at the Back Door within 60 minutes prior to driving home to two very pissed off significant others. And Free Golden Tee at Mulligans McClafferty's? Nope, never heard of it. We also made it a point to attend every class stone sober and prepared, especially when the review committee was there. No drunken wrestling in Constitutional Law - that's unheard of! Once though, we heard a rumor of some debauchery at Bent Willy's, but the name of that place is so atrocious, we decided against going. 'Tis a silly place anyway.

WVU was also honored as (Registration required):

#5 best college library - Obviously for the scenery on the sidewalk in front of the library.

#8 best student newspaper - I wouldn't know. I never read it during class.

#4 students pack the stadim - Now, if we could just get those kiddies to stick around until the fourth quarter.

#6 lots of beers - See above.

#7 lots of hard liquor - No Jack Daniels anywhere in Morgantown. Write that down.

and #11 Reefer Madness - whatever the hell that is.

As a footnote to the reviews, MSN included the following:

Students who considered West Virginia University also looked at Penn State-University Park, University of Pittsburgh-Pittsburgh Campus, and Virginia Tech [but were fearful of having their brains eaten, fearful of the 1970's and fearful of strange red growths from people's necks, respectively].

Unfortuately for the students, I think the forecast for 2" diameter hail will move most of tonight's anticipated debauchery indoors.

Warning: Legal Analysis Ahead - Beilein's Buyout

A week or so ago, when it was finally official that Beilein was heading off to "greener" pastures in Michigan, the silver lining to that ominous rain cloud was his $2.5 million dollar "buyout" provision in his contract. Most fans felt we could use that money to improve various aspects of the athletic program or at least get some hookers for Hardesty's going away party. Well, not so much.

Apparently, no one is going to pay it unless court ordered. From, ugh, ESPN:

Beilein won't go on the record about his intentions in seeking legal counsel, but multiple sources have told ESPN.com that Beilein is trying to get the buyout reduced -- if not wiped out entirely. Pastilong said he wouldn't discuss anything more about the buyout, except that, "We expect the contract to be honored. A contract is a contract. [The buyout is for $2.5 million] and that's what the contract is for."

Well, not exactly.

The short story: This clause is potentially uneforceable (more on this below). If the judge finds that it IS enforceable, WVU gets $500,000/year ($2.5M). If the judge finds it unenforceable, then the liquidated damage clause is out, but Beilein is still on the hook for "damages", which, unfortunately here, seem to be minimal.

The long story: Beilein's buyout clause was not written particularly well. Beilein's buyout clause is technically what is called a liquidated damage clause. Liquidated damage clauses allow parties to specify in advance an estimated value of how badly a party would be damaged if the other party breached the contract. However, they're typically only enforceable if the contract provides that "the parties hereto hereby agree that in the event of a breach by either party that the nature of this Agreement would prevent an accurate measurement or estimation of the actual damages incurred by the nonbreaching party" and "that the parties hereto hereby agree that $xxx,xxx.xx is a fair and reasonable estimation of damages resulting for a breach and that the nonbreaching party shall be entitled to this amount in liquidated damages in the event of a breach." So, lets take a look, does Beilein's contact have this stuff:

Crap. Who drafted this thing? What? Some second year law student? Where's Cardi!? Regardless, the liquidated damage clause, i.e. buyout, is probably still enforceable. However, it faces two potential "uphill battles". First, a liquidated damage clause is only enforceable if actual damages are difficult to measure and the amount is found to be reasonable, i.e. $500,000 is a reasonable estimate of damages. That's why drafters typically include the "the parties agree that it will be hard to esitmate and that this is a reasonable amount" language. Unfortunately, that language is missing from Beilein's contract and so more open to review by a judge than if it had that language.

Second, there are other limitations on employment contracts. For instance, clauses that make it unreasonable or overly difficult for a former employee to pursue new employment can be striken from a contract if its found to be against the public policy encouraging the freedom of employment.

So, if this is actually litigated, WVU has to be concerned whether the "iffiness" of the liquidated damage clause and the prohibition against restricting future employment weighs so strongly against it that a judge rules it as unenforceable. While I find it unlikely, the potential exists for such a ruling. Consequently, WVU may have to decide whether to roll the dice and have the full amount enforced or settle for a smaller amount. And this, I imagine, is why Beilein is fighting it.

*This is not legal advice. This is only general legal information. Do not rely upon the information provided herein. This is also not a legal advertisement.

*More analysis in the comments. Please read on. Questions? Feel free to ask.

UCLA-WVU Highlights

The highlights of the UCLA-WVU game have finally made it to youtube. Apologies for the soundtrack. My ears are still bleeding.



According to the youtube description, these highlights are only from the final 16 minutes of the game because the poster's computer messed up. Frankly, I think his computer revolted because of his MP3 collection. But in all fairness, the dude did a fine job of putting this together and we thank him for his contribution.

For the sake of the kids IV

WVU

The night before the camp I hear a rumor about Rubens for lunch. Now this is a little strange because Coach Rodriguez grew up on peanut butter and jelly. In fact, he ate PB & Js all through school as well and many people have speculated that he will stay very loyal to the PB & Js even if offered a better sandwich because a PB & J is his "dream" sandwich.

7 a.m. Arrive at the stadium and immediately run into Coach and he is mad. Coach asks why his wife is getting phone calls that have us eating Rubens. She was so upset she started crying. He hasn't even talked to the cafeteria staff and will keep eating PB & Js for the rest of his career if they will have him.

8 a.m. Breakfast. Pancakes and bacon with juice. Chris Henry keeps asking the girls if they need anything stronger than juice. He is ejected from the facilities and takes 8 juices with him. Chugs them all and pukes out the window of his car.

8:30 a.m ESPN then reports that Coach has met with the cafeteria workers and taken a better deal for Rubens. Rumored deal includes fries and milk with the Ruben.

9 a.m. Dance Dance Revolution with PacMan Jones. PacMan has gone all out and decorated the room to look like a night club for the kids. Unfortunately, he gets too into the mood and spits on one of the girls. He is asked to leave and brandishes a pool cue feeling someone has disrespected him. Fortunately he leaves when told that Kellen Winslow Jr. is in the parking lot looking for him.



9:30 a.m. Coach tells the kids that he has not made any lunch decision, but now admits to meeting with the cafeteria staff "for a few minutes." Rita corrects Coach by explaining to everyone that they have been talking for 90 minutes actually.

9:45 Steve Slaton and Patrick White pick up the kids and take them to the meeting room to discuss the importance of friends. After sitting in silence for 30 minutes the kids get restless. PW and Slaton decide that speaking isn't their best asset so they decide to have relay races with the kids instead. Two kids are taken to the hospital after being sucked into the afterburner vortex created by both PW and Slaton running at the same time.

10 a.m. The cafeteria workers announce that Coach has until 11 to make a decision. Internet sites are reporting seeing Coach unloading rye bread and sauerkraut. ESPN reports it a done deal.


Meanwhile the kids go to the gym with Amos Zereoue and Todd Sauerbrun. Amos insists on nothing but arm curls. Todd asks each boy, "How much ya bench?" Todd is not lifting, he says he takes "vitamins" instead. When asked by one young boy if he is the punter Todd grows angry. Challenges all children to a fight.

11 a.m. Coach calls a press conference and announces that we will have the peanut butter because the cafeteria workers have made the decision to make the "best lunch in the nation" so they have kicked in an apple and an individual bag of Ruffles for each child.

11:15 a.m. Ultimate frisby with James Jett. Jett teaches the kids how to play and stresses that the contact should be minimal to non-existent. Jett then teaches his team the only play he knows, everyone go long. Despite being open on numerous occasions Jett doesn't make any catches as he hears footsteps and can't concentrate on the "B."

12:30 p.m. Lunch. Everyone enjoys the PB & Js while speculating that Coach was never really going to switch. Meanwhile half the cafeteria workers leave for other schools.

1 p.m. Trip to downtown campus, but buses get stuck in Morgantown traffic for 2 hours and have to return.

3 p.m. Bowling with Mike Vanderjagt. Mike's team is up early and he is perfect through 7 frames, but as the pressure builds he leaves frames 8 and 9 open. Only needing to score a 3 in the tenth Mike throws one ball in the opposing lane and then throws one backwards injuring two. He later goes on Letterman and makes the strike.

4 p.m. Major Harris talks to the kids about staying in school. He tells them:


3rd Grader: How's life after school Major?
Major: Life after school is great. I'm learning new things and everyone is really nice.
3rd Grader: Gee, I can't wait till I get to "hike" school.
Major: [grabs 3rd grader's face and whispers] Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.

4:30 p.m Sled riding with Jahmile Addae and Owen Schitt. Addae goes first and wrecks after a hitting a jump. Addae is down for the rest of the afternoon. After the kids get a turn Owen goes down the hill. He takes out the jump, 3 trees, a house, and is last seen barrelling down the interstate undeterred by police roadblocks.

5:30 Coach comes out to tell the kids goodbye. Mike Lorello shows up to drive the kids home. All the girls leave before Coach is finished saying goodbye. Bastard.

A couple of notes. . .

1. Leave the lighters at home. Apparently someone is sick and tired of hearing about the couches being burned and you don't make the State Legislature mad in WV by God. Just remember, you only get one so make it good.

THE STATE LEGISLATURE IS TRYING TO SNUFF OUT A HAZARDOUS POST-GAME FAN RITUAL.

A PROPOSED COUCH FIRE BILL WOULD MAKE FURNITURE TORCHING IN THE MOUNTAIN STATE A FELONY ON THE SECOND OFFENSE.

RIGHT NOW, BURNING PUBLIC PROPERTY IS CONSIDERED A MISDEMEANOR.

THE FELONY CHARGE WOULD CARRY A POSSIBLE TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR FINE AND A THREE YEAR JAIL SENTENCE.

2. I don't know what the ceiling of this basketball team is yet, but I know what the basement is. The first half of the Marshall game was as bad as we could play. Joe Alexander didn't score and Ruoff sleptwalked through the first 3/4 of the game. Young kept us in the game early singlehandedly. After Summers got into foul trouble Smalligan came in and, I can't believe I'm typing this, took over the game. He hit a three, picked up key rebounds, dunked on a backdoor, and even picked up a technical foul for oldest looking guy not named Greg Oden in college this year. WVU rallied from 13 down to cut it to 5 at the half and took over early in the second half. Apparently Marshall's plan of "turn it into a wrestling match" for the third straight year only worked for a half as they finally started getting called for the holds and pushes late in the first and bringing a switchblade onto the court early in the second.

3. Is it really a rivalry game if no one outside of West Virginia can see it? I'm not sure too many people around the country set up late waiting for those highlights last night on Sportscenter, but hey it makes the State Legislature happy. And we know what happens when they get angry.

Recruiting nearing completion

With 15 days remaining until national signing day the 2007 recruiting period is almost over. While it is always somewhat unnerving to watch grown men fawning over 17 year old boys, writing non-stop about their size, length, and ability we will attempt to update everyone on the signings of WVU. Besides giving these kids a sense of entitlement, taking underage kids to drinking parties and strip clubs, paying recruits and bribing coaches, it is all exciting. And poor Maryland. When you cheat and get caught you should at least get the recruit. Friedgen tied to stop it, but when he said "Hey don't pay recruits" he had a mouth full of donuts and it came out "Hey, dome pee rerute." But as far as recruiting goes, what is the worst that could happen? The good news is that having been to the gentleman's establishments in Morgantown I can safely say we are keeping recruits as far away as possible if we don't want kids screaming and running (with hopefully 4.2 40 speed) into the night.

WVU will attempt to sign the maximum of 25 this year and currently has around 20-23 commitments. The variance is due to last minute changes in fancy of the young. Currently Rivals has WVU rated at the 31st best class while Scout has WVU 16. The difference, 15 spots. Ha, you thought analysis was coming. Sucker.

If anybody is listening.

I am painfully aware that no one of importance reads this blog. And yes that may be insulting you reading right now, but you suck. Deal with it. But, if anybody has connections to the decision makers within the WVU athletic department, please forward this along. The following is a list of 10 things which would make the gameday experience much more enjoyable at Mountaineer Field.

10. No more noon games. Everyone knows we schedule early games so people can't get too drunk, but noon. As GOB from Arrested Development would say, "C'mon!" If I go out Friday night I have enough problem getting up before noon. Can't we just scale it back to 1 or 2 even?

9. The hedges have to go. When Mountaineer Field was refurbished a few years ago someone made the decision to remove the seats on both sides of the band. These same wizards decided to add some shrubbery. Ni. But apparently no one notified our landscape architecture school because our "hedges" consist of some pinecones and three or four dead bonsai trees. It honestly looks like a mulch pile. Put those seats back in or just make those areas a tribute to Sam Huff and Major Harris. Major isn't up to much he could hang out there, maybe even have a concession stand like Bogg's BBQ in Baltimore.

8. Cotton-Eyed Joe. Please stop this. I'm not kidding. It's beyond embarrassing. There have to be better songs to play during timeouts to get the idiots up to dance. Work with me here people. There is a difference between embracing your heritage, such as the Mountaineer, and embarrassing your heritege and playing a techno version of this song is the latter.

7. Bring the speakers back. A few years ago we had speakers on the field to emit bass when the defense was on the field. They were like one of Satan's burbs. Other teams cried foul about it and they were removed. Bring them back in place of the bells tolling on third down. Against VT they even once hit the "brown note."

6. Show instant replays. I don't know if there is a rule against it, but do it anyway. There is nothing worse than being at the game and seeing a controversial play that goes to review while the crowd gets no second look. Instead of watching the replay I have to ask the idiot next to me to stop dancing to Cotton Eyed Joe and tell me what happened. Dad loves that damn song.

5. Some paint for the stadium. Maybe something not so...gray. Or if it has to be gray just a little touch-up wouldn't hurt.

4. The hospital end scoreboards need to be more than adds for Dairy Mart. Bring back the out of town scores. Bring back the yardage totals. I want to know our rushing totals at all times. It's a big deal when we crack the century mark in passing yards. We need to know when this happens. If we can't have that stats maybe we can play Cotton Eyed Joe when that happens and everyone can dance.

3. No more Black-Eyed Peas. We have pretty good video packages in general. I like the Sr. tributes and the Slaton/Reynaud/Schimdt/White clips after they make a play. I even like the "Good one Patrick." Can't we do without a terrible, now five year old song to "fire" up the crowd right before kickoff. I think we signed a lifetime license. That is the only explanation. If you want to use old songs I've got one word for you, Rage Against the Machine. I can play it on Guitar Hero.

2. Take away the German Shepherds. The goal posts are already taken down. Most of the opponents aren't good enough to rush the field for anyway. They seriously brought out the dogs after the Eastern Washington game this year. Yea, we beat a IAA school, let's riot. It makes us look like a barbarian horde. At least give the police swords then and tell the crowd if they rush they must slaughter their way to the fifty yard line.

1. A personal request. Don't let the guy who sits two rows behind me back in. Ever. I sit in the second row behind the visitors bench. This scholar feels the need to taunt the other team constantly. With brain busters such as, "Hey 14. Nice throw." or "Way to go Syracuse." As though the other team is sitting on the bench going, "Thanks. Hey wait a minute, that's sarcastic. Damn them for making me feel good now bad about my abilities." Then the weeping commences. This guy keeps this up for the entire game. If it happens again next year I'm going to stab him with a bonsai tree during Cotton-Eyed Joe. So help me God.

That game

Everyone has one game that stands out in their minds as the most surreal experience at a live event. Whether you proposed marriage, broke up with a girlfriend, or saw someone engaging in a public sex act you remember the surroundings more than the game. Ours just happened to involve a ham sandwich.

The game was scheduled for noon vs. Miami. That meant a Friday night of drinking until 4 a.m. followed by an alarm set for 8 a.m to get that needed 4 hours of drinking. We strictly bypassed any food because it wasted time and required further drinking. During these years we still had seats in the student section. The WVU student section was a strange mix of hot women, drunks, random old dudes, loving couples, and the few there to watch the game. it was, to say the least, eclectic. If you presented the contents of the student section to George Lucas for the bar in Star Wars where Han Solo is introduced he would have told you that it was too weird and no one would believe it.

The only real memorable moment of the first half was five drunk girls slugging off of a plastic gallon of vodka. The girls had no purses or bags to get the alcohol into the game and wearing half shirts and skirts best described as a headband. I have no idea how they got the Vladmir in, but God bless them. Every guy in the section kept one eye on them and the other on the game. Every girl had a reaction of immediate hatred. It was beautiful.

In the game itself, WVU pulled within a single point late in the third quarter. Unfortunately, in the post TD celebration the Mountaineer's shotgun backfired. The mascot was down, on national t.v., due to his gun shooting himself in the face. He stayed down for about 15 minutes and actually required medical attention. During what was up to that point our shining moment on t.v. That Mountaineer was never the same. Every time he fired his gun you could see a slight recoil even though he held the gun 4 feet from his head to protect himself.

The fourth quarter started with two things, a bad call and some taunting between WVU and Miami fans a section over. A guy sitting next to us decided it was time to take matters into his own hands concerning the officials. He did the only thing an irrational drunken fan could. He threw his delicious ham sandwich onto the field. No where near a referee. But, it did land on the goal line with the bread blending it in. We became mesmerized as Miami marched down to to goal line for another score and ran play after play at the ham sandwich. Players from both sides came perilously close to disaster caused by delicious pig and mustard. It seemed like Miami ran off right tackle 100 straight plays at the goal line. Each one behind Kellen Winslow, Jr. Two aspects stood out about Winslow that day. First, he seemed bigger than anyone we had on defense and most of the Miami offensive line. Second, he was the biggest ass I'd ever seen. Constantly pointing, punching, and running his mouth after every play. He seemed to be the type of guy who looked at himself naked in a full length mirror, a lot. And used the word "fag" whenever possible. So during the goal line stand he continually tiptoed around this ominous ham sandwich. We wanted to see him slip on a hammy so freaking bad just to see it on Sportscenter with the injury report, "Winslow, out ACL tear, ham sandwich." But to no avail. Eventually Miami scored giving us an even greater chance for comedy. The flag squad carrying the "U" followed by "MIAMI" circled the enzone. Surely, one of these asshats would slip on a ham sandwich causing the flag to fly out of their hands and all the other "flags" to have to stop in horror. No, and to make matters worse a member of the grounds crew found the sammy before the next drive to our end zone.

While all of this was going on we failed to notice bad blood boiling just feet away. The earlier taunting had turned ugly as Miami put the game away. It started as a shove, then came another, then hell rained down. The section exploded in a brawl. Men fought women. Cats fought dogs. Dads fought sons. Lesbians fought penises. Well maybe not that bad, but about 15 guys started fighting each other. A fight in the bleachers is like a fight on a ski slope. There is no way to get adequate footing for any wrestling manuvers. There was more falling and rolling than actual punching. But, one guy did leap four rows to throw a flying jalapeno forearm at another human being. Police came to break it up. They would throw someone out of the section and grab another. Only, in Keystone Cops fashion, the first guy would come back in a fight some more. They threw one guy out four times. Another guy they quickcuffed and let go so he ran around kicking at people. Only one guy got hurt and of course it was a guy that had nothing to do with the fight. Just some random guy watching the game that got knocked down head first on a bleacher. About this time our section started yelling and pushing as they wanted some action, too. At this time we decided to head for higher ground. As we walked out of the section police were still trying to gather the people to throw out of the stadium. Instead, suspects were fleeing all over the place, some still in quickcuffs. We hit the trail home for our normal routine after a noon game. Food then turn the t.v. on and nap all afternoon to college football. I do remember that WVU lost. And I don't think anyone ever ate that delicious sammy.

Are we savages 2: Nero no more.

I was posting this as a comment and realized it was substantively full enough to warrant its own post, so here were just a few of my observations and points in response to tummystick's eloquent post on savagery:

1) How much joy did we derive from that ham sammy? It just laid there, in the corner of the end zone, unnoticed by everyone on the field, waiting to be picked up and cherished. It wanted to be held, to be loved and to be eaten. It was a brave ham sammy. I liked that ham sammy.

2) OSU fans, for comparison:


3) The Miami brawl was... well.. unbelievable in that I'll-never-fucking-forget-it kind of way. If only Ned was there.

4) The last couches I recall being burned were a few sporadic fires during last year's appearance in the Sweet 16. But rest assured, the frequency and intensity of these pillow stuffed conflagarations are decreasing. I think the most amazing thing was that absolutely no chaos occured when we knocked off Wake Forrest the year before last. Of course, it didn't hurt things that all the students were on Spring Break.

5) I also didn't see any fires after that VT game in '02. But I was focused on finding celebratory vagina.

6) An interesting comparison. Louisville game last year and the Rutgers game this year compared to the Miami game in... um... when Winslow made that heartbreaking catch. I think it was '03 or '04.

We're sitting in our apartment, watching the game wind down and the Mountaineers are up 1 or 2 points with just a few seconds to go. (Important fact: The game was in Miami.) The air was so thick with impending chaos and doom, dogs were hiding and babies were crying. State Police cars were spreading through the city in an attempt to temper the upcoming storm. The fire department was watering down important buildings. If we would have held on, the city would surely have burned to the ground.

Also, wasn't that the same year kids from Shiteau Royale broke into the stadium after a win AT Virginia Tech and tore down the goal posts?

Fast forward two or so years and the Mountaineers have established themselves as a yearly contender. Fans have elevated themselves to expect wins, even against the best teams in the nation.

Third quarter, Louisville is way up. Fans are flocking back to their liquor to dull the senses to what could have been. Bednarick is hurt and in comes our savior, Patrick White, who miraculously leads us back to tie it up. Fans comes streaming back to the game and finally Mountaineer field is alive again. Three suspenseful overtimes later, the Mountaineers emerge as winners. The most sinister act against a Louisville fan? "Welcome to the Big East!!!" The biggest fire? A small campfire which was quickly extinguished.

This past season, the Mountaineers defeat Rutgers in a similar fashion, requiring a suspenseful 3 overtimes to do so. No fires. No chaos. Just 60,000 fans glowing with pride, singing Country Roads and looking forward to that 30 pack of Natty Light.

7) It appears we are gaining nationwide credibility, at least with the fans. Posts on message boards around the Interwebs have become increasingly approving of WVU and our sports teams. Both Coach Rodriguez and Coach Beiline are widely accepted top coaches in their respective sports. Eventually, the WWL and other news outlets will be forced to recognize us as well. As a sports franchise, WVU has reached maturity, and so too have the fans. But just like Suzy Gulpsomecum down at Bent Willy's, it takes time to lose a bad reputation.

Are we savages?

There is a post over at the great site Every Day Should Be Saturday addressing what type of fans people are. I don't think there is any debate as to where WVU would fit into that discussion. At this point, we may be the most talked about fans in college, but for all the wrong reasons. From poopgate to stories of old ladies pulling out shanks and stabbing other old ladies from opposing schools, you hear some crazy stories about WVU fans. Unfortunately, most people outside of the state seem to believe these stories are based in truth. This got me to thinking about why we have this reputation and whether it is justified.

1. The old stadium, the couch burning, and fans from opposing teams have collectively created a myth about Morgantown over the years. It doesn't matter if the stories are true or not, if enough people hear them, they take on a life of their own.

I never attended a game at Old Mountaineer Field, but I have heard plenty about it from friends and family. The crowd was right on the field and to attend the game you had to pass through all the bars on Sunnyside back in the 1970s. This led to a "fun-loving" crowd which is easy for other fans to complain about.

Additionally, it's now to the point that if someone on a message board says they went to a game and were assaulted by roaming packs of fans with pitchforks and torches it is believed. For example, poopgate was widely accepted as fact despite no arrest report, proof of the dump, or proof that it was a WVU fan. In fact, most people from MD, Pitt, or VT then added a story of their own about someone they knew that had a grandparent runover by crazed fans after a game in Morgantown.

Finally, there hasn't been a couch burned in Morgantown in a couple of years, but no one knows it. I get asked by relatives after every game, "Hey you guys beat Wofford, how many couches did you burn?" That behavior has been curbed and although the police have been a part it is mostly because we now expect to win. The fires came mainly after upsets. As long as the Mountaineers are expected to win, it will continue to stay quiet. Besides, most of the fires took place in Sunnyside and in all honesty the aftermath of the charred couch probably improved property values.

In a somewhat related story after we beat VT in 2002, I was out in Morgantown and, although there were fires in all different parts of the town, I never saw one. Now of course I may have been a little intoxicated and not had the greatest perception skills going on, but the point is that it's all what you were looking for. If you wanted to burn furniture and try to tip a car and get arrested we had that available, but there were alternatives such as just celebrating by drinking until your face fell off. I wouldn't recommend combining the two, you'll burn your face when it hits the ground.

2. The rivals. MD and Pitt have helped to spread the stories over the years to anyone who will listen. It also seems as though the stories intensify as their teams lose to the Mountaineers on the field. We even had Mark May going on ESPN saying not to take your helmet off at WVU games or have pennies thrown at you.

But our biggest rival has the best stories. VT is THE rival for WVU fans of my generation much like Penn St. was for my father. It really escalated when VT started winning games and extending their fan base. Then, as Ron Burgandy would say, it really jumped up a notch. During the Vick/Randall/Vick II years, the ACC raided the Big East and in a bout of sheer joy/pain, depending upon the year, the underdog in each year's matchup knocked off the favored team. Because the teams no longer play, the fans from both sides have resorted to mocking the other program. We tell VT fans that their team chokes every year and they in turn tell anyone who will listen that our fans are cannibals.

3. In modern times, the stories have continued as there have been videos showing WVU fans heckling and harrassing fans from other schools as they enter the game on youtube. Some of these videos have obviously been done to cause a reaction or with the help of a WVU friend. While others are shameful, but usually contained to a person or two being an ass. In addition, the presence of guard dogs and armed guards with the occasional post game pepper spray made us look even more unhinged as a fan base. It also doesn't help that every televised game has a cutaway to the craziest looking WVU fan. We happen to have one of the best looking groups of female fans in the country and they never get shown. Instead, the production crew repeatedly shows the guy who looks like he spent all day hunting deer with a switchblade and wearing the deer carcuss for a hat.

4. Is it true? I am sure there is some truth to the stories. Our fans are very vocal and do enjoy the pregame festivities as much as any other fanbase. I have seen rival students in the student section taunted and had drinks and cheese poured on them before removed by security. I even witnessed a fight in the student section during a Miami game which was the scariest moment at a game since fighting on bleachers is not a safe strategy. However, I have attended every home game for five straight years, three in the student section, and the only thing I've seen thrown on the field was a ham sandwhich. I also attended many games growing up and have asked my dad, but we can't recall too many other instances of out of contol behavior. Now in all honesty the old man wasn't really paying attention as he was looking for babies to toss off of the upperdeck.

5. Does it matter? I would say yes. On the good side, it is a source of intimidation, especially at night. Anyone attending a night game has felt that electric feel in the air of barely controlled alcoholism and rage with a hint of fear. There is also always the chance of seeing someone impaled. I would never want to temper the passion of our fanbase as we have great traveling fans for such a small and poor state.

But on the bad side, it makes the school look bad and that only hurts the value of a WVU diploma. Worse yet, some teams won't come here to play simply based upon reputation. But the worst aspect is constantly having to defend ourselves against fans from other schools, even if the stories are blatently untrue. Recently, the reputation reached a point of diminishing returns, i.e. it is now hurting the school and team more than it is worth as our teams are now constantly in the top 25, but how do we combat 1 and 2?

Any suggestions?

And I call myself a hockey fan...

Last year, the Brew Pub discovered a secret German beer recipe. It was delicious. It was so good, in fact, they froze it so they could skate on it and then in the spring, they melted it and drank it. But while they were skating on it, a surprising thing happened: a hockey team appeared. And they were apparently pretty good. As of two days ago, the WVU hockey team was 19-9-0-0 (8-3-0-0). But apparently not good enough to be listed on the university's athletics page:

Sad, but true. As a member of the American Collegiate Hockey Association, the Skating Mountaineers face such powerhouses as Lindenwood and West Chester Universities. (In all fairness, they also face Illinois, Penn State, Oklahoma and Arizona, where I know hockey is big). The Mountaineers are currently ranked 16th, which suggests they are slightly better than the Cumberland Y's championship rec team. Let's give credit where credit is due: They have miraculously turned the program around as the team was 3-26-3-0 during the 2002-03 campaign. I mean, let's face it, Lindenwood was a powerhouse that year.

To perform such an amazing turnaround, WVU Hockey relies on such obvious hockey talent as assistant captain, Jeff Holabaugh - all 145 pounds of him - when he's soaking wet - and team captain, namely Tony Attanucci, who looks like he would shank you and is an impressive 5'8" 160 lbs.

Seriously though, despite it being second tier Division I hockey, I still got to support them - its an athletic team at WVU (plus I don't want shanked at Bent Willies by Attanucci). If only I would have known about them. That's why we're here folks: to inform, then mock. So go check out their web site and maybe a game (if the Mon ever freezes over).

WVU Hockey Team