The night before the camp I hear a rumor about Rubens for lunch. Now this is a little strange because Coach Rodriguez grew up on peanut butter and jelly. In fact, he ate PB & Js all through school as well and many people have speculated that he will stay very loyal to the PB & Js even if offered a better sandwich because a PB & J is his "dream" sandwich.
7 a.m. Arrive at the stadium and immediately run into Coach and he is mad. Coach asks why his wife is getting phone calls that have us eating Rubens. She was so upset she started crying. He hasn't even talked to the cafeteria staff and will keep eating PB & Js for the rest of his career if they will have him.
8 a.m. Breakfast. Pancakes and bacon with juice. Chris Henry keeps asking the girls if they need anything stronger than juice. He is ejected from the facilities and takes 8 juices with him. Chugs them all and pukes out the window of his car.
8:30 a.m ESPN then reports that Coach has met with the cafeteria workers and taken a better deal for Rubens. Rumored deal includes fries and milk with the Ruben.
9 a.m. Dance Dance Revolution with PacMan Jones. PacMan has gone all out and decorated the room to look like a night club for the kids. Unfortunately, he gets too into the mood and spits on one of the girls. He is asked to leave and brandishes a pool cue feeling someone has disrespected him. Fortunately he leaves when told that Kellen Winslow Jr. is in the parking lot looking for him.
9:30 a.m. Coach tells the kids that he has not made any lunch decision, but now admits to meeting with the cafeteria staff "for a few minutes." Rita corrects Coach by explaining to everyone that they have been talking for 90 minutes actually.
9:45 Steve Slaton and Patrick White pick up the kids and take them to the meeting room to discuss the importance of friends. After sitting in silence for 30 minutes the kids get restless. PW and Slaton decide that speaking isn't their best asset so they decide to have relay races with the kids instead. Two kids are taken to the hospital after being sucked into the afterburner vortex created by both PW and Slaton running at the same time.
10 a.m. The cafeteria workers announce that Coach has until 11 to make a decision. Internet sites are reporting seeing Coach unloading rye bread and sauerkraut. ESPN reports it a done deal.
Meanwhile the kids go to the gym with Amos Zereoue and Todd Sauerbrun. Amos insists on nothing but arm curls. Todd asks each boy, "How much ya bench?" Todd is not lifting, he says he takes "vitamins" instead. When asked by one young boy if he is the punter Todd grows angry. Challenges all children to a fight.
11 a.m. Coach calls a press conference and announces that we will have the peanut butter because the cafeteria workers have made the decision to make the "best lunch in the nation" so they have kicked in an apple and an individual bag of Ruffles for each child.
11:15 a.m. Ultimate frisby with James Jett. Jett teaches the kids how to play and stresses that the contact should be minimal to non-existent. Jett then teaches his team the only play he knows, everyone go long. Despite being open on numerous occasions Jett doesn't make any catches as he hears footsteps and can't concentrate on the "B."
12:30 p.m. Lunch. Everyone enjoys the PB & Js while speculating that Coach was never really going to switch. Meanwhile half the cafeteria workers leave for other schools.
1 p.m. Trip to downtown campus, but buses get stuck in Morgantown traffic for 2 hours and have to return.
3 p.m. Bowling with Mike Vanderjagt. Mike's team is up early and he is perfect through 7 frames, but as the pressure builds he leaves frames 8 and 9 open. Only needing to score a 3 in the tenth Mike throws one ball in the opposing lane and then throws one backwards injuring two. He later goes on Letterman and makes the strike.
4 p.m. Major Harris talks to the kids about staying in school. He tells them:
3rd Grader: How's life after school Major?
Major: Life after school is great. I'm learning new things and everyone is really nice.
3rd Grader: Gee, I can't wait till I get to "hike" school.
Major: [grabs 3rd grader's face and whispers] Don't you say that. Don't you ever say that. Stay here. Stay here as long as you can. For the love of God, cherish it. You have to cherish it.
4:30 p.m Sled riding with Jahmile Addae and Owen Schitt. Addae goes first and wrecks after a hitting a jump. Addae is down for the rest of the afternoon. After the kids get a turn Owen goes down the hill. He takes out the jump, 3 trees, a house, and is last seen barrelling down the interstate undeterred by police roadblocks.
5:30 Coach comes out to tell the kids goodbye. Mike Lorello shows up to drive the kids home. All the girls leave before Coach is finished saying goodbye. Bastard.