Friday, January 12, 2007

Line 'em up

So I heard a story about another Mountaineer victory from the Gator Bowl. Apparently the legend decided to sow some wild oats around the Jax area. He missed the game, though, as he decided to hit 5 local clubs and challenge the 5 biggest drinkers at each location to an Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark style shot contest. Only BA took them on one after another Diggstown style. The only break he took was to "motorboat" any lucky lady that walked by (and in all honesty a few fat guys towards the last few contests). Well I'm happy to announce that the Champ is still undefeated, but we haven't seen him for a few weeks. Word is he drank until 5 then sprinted the 830 miles up the interstate to arrive at work around 8. He would have arrived sooner, but he finally tapped the seal around 6:30 and peed for an hour straight. Started a little thing the locals have dubbed the "Potomac River." I believe it's an old native american word for "crafted by the immortals." We've tried to call, but with all the ladies from the clubs constantly calling and begging for the ole "handle and a tumble" I guess his phone is constantly busy. That reminds me, did I mention that had to add a cellphone tower to his living room? That man is my idol. I wish he would put a collar on me and take my for walks in the woods. My guess is 16 years from now the Jacksonville area high schools are going to have an influx of BAMFs to deal with. In anticipation the local liquor stores are already beginning to add additional wings and all nancy boys are being told they have 5 years to evacuate. Why only five? Well BA killed his first man at 2 and even with his seed diluted by non-WV women they don't want to take any unnecessary risks.

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