Wednesday, February 28, 2007

New coach named after the nectar of the gods

In what will be known as the greatest hiring in WVU football history, Tony Dews has joined the WVU coaching staff as an assistant coach. Words cannot describe the happiness myself and I'm sure Robin feel right now. Hopefully, his wife Diet Dews will be a coach as well for women's soccer since diet Dew is for the ladies. Dews will work with receivers, special teams, recruiting, and washing down any meal in delicious fashion. With this hire the football staff for the 2007 season could now be fully in place. Dews beat out Roger Faygo, Johny Sprite, Sammy Coke, Leroy Sevenup, and even Stephen Orangecrush for the job. Bob Mountaindrop, Henry Mellowyellow, Brian Codered, Lenny Livewire, and Arnie Arcticblast were never considered for the vacant position because they suck. BTW The picture says "it'll tickle yore innards!" That's what I tell the ladies.

43 comments:

Option Spread said...

This comment thread is going to be rediculous.

letsplaytummysticks said...

Dew

Brave Sir Robin said...

I am unfamiliar with Coach Mountaindrop, but an illegitimate son of Sam Walton is a coach, his name is Rodney Citrusdrop. He is not a very good coach however, and is often confused with Wandling Mountainlightning. Who also, by no coincidence is undesirable. I also thought your post would not have forgotten about the rumors swrling early on about Gerald "Peach" Nehi, who despite his open homosexuality is a very good coach. Damn I love Dew. I'm not gonna lie to ya.

Brave Sir Robin said...

Tony Larussa nearly lost his managerial spot early in his tenure with the Athletics, to one Dr. Eugene Pepper. Dr. Pepper doesn't do football, but he does have a law degree. He uses it almost as much as Tony uses his.

Brave Sir Robin said...

Dew is great. Dew is good. Let us thank it for our man-ginas.

Diet Dew is for the ladies. Little dogs like treats. Bratcos should be madatory fare at all NCAA events, as well as at bowling alleys east of the Mississippi.

letsplaytummysticks said...

Another coach that used to be popular but you never hear about anymore is Robert Cornwallice "RC" Cola. Also Kevin "Root" Beer always seems like he'll be a good coach but ends up awful. Then the schools always have to bring in Rasputen Ginger-Ale to make all the fans feel better agin.

letsplaytummysticks said...

Everybody wants Francisco Fanta as a special teams coach/kickers coach. And who can forget those Russian strenth coaches Rasputen Sunkist and Pavel Slice, both good but no Stephen Orangecrush.

Brave Sir Robin said...

Do not let us overlook the always satisfying coaching abilities of the brother duo- "Red" and his brother "Anonymous" Cream Soda. They always start off good, but you don't want them every season. Did we already reference Melvin Grape? He used to be Jim's favorite but is no more.

Brave Sir Robin said...

I also like the staff coaches Jimmy the Capri Sun, and his pothead nephew Hi-C.

letsplaytummysticks said...

Speaking of brother combinations who can forget the famous personal trainer brothers Jimmy "Gator" Aid and the cheaper Clarence "Kool" Aid, but he's so sweet and the worst of the bunch John "Power" Aid

Brave Sir Robin said...

Not to be confused with such bland alternatives as Chuck Evian, Douglas Deerpark, Ernesto Perrier, or Franklin "Not the Chocolate" Nestle.

Also worth noting, a few guys I have always looked up to... Asian persuasion, Yoo "Fuckin" Hoo, Grant Ovaltine, Clarence "Clearly" Canadian, and Steve Sasparilla.

I do like sasparilla dude.

letsplaytummysticks said...

A Sioux City sasparilla?

Yep, that's a good one.

chutta said...

My folks wouldn't let me play football. My mathlete coach was Stephen "Tang" Wang. He was also good at ping pong!

letsplaytummysticks said...

I had a gymnastics coach Scotty "the Fruit" Juice, I'd rather not talk anymore about that.

Brave Sir Robin said...

He must've been related to an old boyfriend of Option's mom, a guy I met named Tony "Juicy" Juice.

Tommy Lasorda had a gay affair with a transient named Slim. I think last name was Fast. Yeah it was actually.

I would make an Ice T reference, but there really is a guy named that so... shit.

letsplaytummysticks said...

Tommy Lasorda has never had anything slim or than a jim inside of him.

letsplaytummysticks said...

other than, dammit.

Brave Sir Robin said...

Did we reference that Hawaiian coach, "Donkey" Punch?

Tommy is a tall drink of somethin. It may be something to do with a Nickelback lyric, or bling rage associated with watching sub-par bands.

letsplaytummysticks said...

Would you rather be in the best Nickleback cover band in the hisory of the world or have sex with Tommy Lasorda? Both are going to leave you crying in the shower while burning your clothes.

Brave Sir Robin said...

If nickelback had a song in tribute of Dodger blue, I am pretty sure I could swing both of those. Especially considering Tommy's penchant for Nickelback and the small amount of musical talent requisite of being the worlds best Nickelback cover band. Woot. Woot. Fucking Woot.

letsplaytummysticks said...

Don Zimmer can't watch though, or he has to pay $50.

Anonymous said...

Giggity giggity! Randy Newman songs and Asian reporter Trisha Takinawa.

Remember, we're french waiters now.

This comment thread is ridiculous. Or is it rediculous? Woot.

letsplaytummysticks said...

left foot right foot left foot right foot, picks an apple now she's looking at me, bites the apple, chews it, chews it.

Brave Sir Robin said...

Season one of He-Man is amazingly enough- 33 episodes. That is just about 11 and 1/2 hours of He-Man. I am glad I brought that to worky.

I also enjoy delicious sammys, yummy snacks, sandy clam, and getting some through the pee hole. Long Beach what. Woot.

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