For the sake of the kids V

My offseason travels have taken me to Maryland,Penn State, Pitt, and WVU. However, the strangest of my travels was to Blacksburg, Virginia a month ago. I haven't posted about it until know because it was only after weeks of intense therapy that I was able to discuss this day. As I told my therapist, "The last piece of my innocence died that day."

9 a.m. The day started off fine when I met the kids and we entered the athletic facility for a nice breakfast spread including cereal, fruit, bacon, eggs, and juices. I normally don't eat breakfast so I used the time to get the ear of Frank Beamer. After a little small talk I asked him how he felt his program was viewed by those outside of Blacksburg. Coach responded by saying that VT had mad a conscious effort to only recruit kids of the highest moral character and that one or two instances that have been blown up by the media over the years has given VT an unfair name. He then started rocking in his chair repeating "Not our fault" over and over.

10 a.m. As part of his image rehabilitation and probably court mandated community service Marcus Vick arrived to take the kids rollerskating. On the road he kept to himself, but once we got to the skating rink I knew it was trouble when Mike Imoh and Jimmy Kibble met us. Vick immediately let it be known that he wasn't going to help the kids, but find some "hot ass" because this was where it was. He ran around the rink with a bottle of Apple Puckers talking to every 7-13 year old girl he could find. A few of the younger boys took exception to the way Marcus was hitting on their girls and approached him. Unfortunately one of them wasn't a strong skater and went down in front of Vick and was stomped unmercifully. This caused the rest of the pre-teens to rally. It looked like trouble, then Vick pulled a gun. I asked him, "Haven't you seen Boyz in the Hood, now one of us is going to get shot." We immediately got all the kids back in the van and took off. The pre-teens followed on their bikes. Vick pulled a vintage machine gun out from underneath the seat and began firing back yelling he didn't want to be called "Babyface" which he isn't anyway. While passing through one of many Blacksburg cow pastures Vick shot a cow which I didn't think was right, but he did get us back.


11 a.m Back at the athletic complex the kids are visibly rattled. Coach uses his oldest technique of calming down scared youngsters. Out came the orange and brown fingerpaints and everyone made a turkey on construction paper. The best design, by a girl named Samantha, won the price of painting a turkey on Coach's neck.

12 p.m. The kids have calmed down and lunch is served. Hamburgers, hotdogs, and french fries for everyone and things are looking up.

1 p.m. I spoke too soon, this is the last time I checked a clock for the rest of the day. Some of the kids found one of Ron Mexico's "special" waterbottles and began playing keepaway with the new toy. All of the players join in and it is fun for all. For a few minutes, then things turn ugly and violent. They start wrestling for the waterbottle claiming the one who holds it is in charge of "Hokieville." Sean Glennon grasps the waterbottle and tries to calm everyone down, but a group of players chanting "Beamer Ball" take him down and smash his head with a rock.



The place is on the verge of riot and the kids have run off in all directions. I'm ready to do the same when out of the confusion one man speaks and everyone stops. Ron Mexico himself is here and moves to an elevated position to address the players.


Vick: "Can you dig it? Can you count, suckers? I say, the future is ours... if you can count! Now, look what we have here before us. We got the Offensive Line sitting next to the D-Line. We've got the Wide Receivers right by the D-backs. Nobody is wasting nobody other then Glennon and he sucked anyway. That... is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.

Vick: Now, here's the sum total: One gang could create on entire city of herpes carriers! One gang. Can you dig it? And from there we move on and infect the entire south. No more lawsuits if everybody is infected. Can you dig it? I'm just keeping it real.

Just then a shot rang out and fell Vick. Jimmy Williams had shot Vick because the black and white Nike workout outfit Vick was wearing resembled a referee uniform. Unfortunately for me Williams turned and blamed it on me.

I would have been captured on the spot if not for one stroke of luck. An alarm sounded and the entire complex was put on lockdown. Jim Druckenmiller escaped from his cage. Apparently he bit Bud Foster's mustache off and wore it as his own to enable his escape. The players are in a panic to re-capture him before he can find beer and women.



I take off running, but Bruce Smith rallies a group to chase me down. As I turn a corner Brandon Ore is right in front of me, but luckily he saw the shooting and wants to help me. i ask him where the library is for me to hide. He responds "Briberry?" I realize he has know idea what I'm talking about. He decides to try to hold off the mob with a hand grenade he found. He asks me how to use it and I tell him to pull the pin and throw it. As I take off I remember Ore's not the brightest bulb and turn to explain further in time to see him pull the pin out and throw the pin and the oncoming group. Turning the corner I hear the explosion.

The corner, however, led to a dead end street. Now Bruce Smith and company turn the corner behind me. They are calling me "Big Game" as it seems they like hunting people. With no where to run it will only be seconds until they tear me to shreds. Luckily the alarms brought out a S.W.A.T. team and they arrived on the scene. They pelt Smith and his cronies with pepper spray and pull me out of there. As I leave I can hear the Hokies once again choking as the Big Game slips away from them (and it isn't even November yet).