These are all true

All of these are a little crazy.

First a man dressed as Darth Vader attacked a couple of guys that started a Jedi Church in England. Actually he just wore a black garbage bag, got drunk (drank most of a 10 liter box of wine), and hit them with a metal crutch while shouting "Darth Vader". The Jedi's did not respond well:

The cousins had been filming themselves playing with light sabres in the garden before the attack... She added that Hughes hit Barney Jones over the head with the crutch, leaving him with a headache. The court heard Hughes could not remember the incident. He then laughed and hit Michael Jones in the thigh, causing bruising...Hughes could not remember the incident and only realised what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court told.

Meanwhile in the Congo 13 people were arrested as suspected sorcerers and accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

I may not have helped things by skinny dipping recently in the Congo:

It's real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny," said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.

Finally, WVU has already released the Heather Bresch panel report and the blame stops short of the top.

The damning 95-page report released Wednesday by the WVU Board of Governors is harshest on Provost Gerald Lang and business school dean Steve Sears, who the panel said had no academic foundation for retroactively granting Bresch the 1998 degree.

Although it does include this:

Lang, as chief academic officer, bears the brunt of the criticism for running the one-hour, Oct. 15 meeting where the decision to grant the degree was made. Also attending were Sears, WVU chief of staff Craig Walker, general counsel Alex Macia, communications director Bill Case and three educators from the business school.

"The panel believes the prevailing sentiment at the meeting, evinced by the actions and comments of the provost and the representatives of the president's office, was that a way should be found to justify the granting of the degree, if at all possible,'' the report says.