Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Big Ass Kroger

A new Kroger has opened in Morgantown and if the DA is correct, it might be the biggest grocery store known to man.

Covering 86,000 square miles, the largest Kroger in the state promises more specialties and “greener” business.
For those that don't measure in square mileage often the stated size of the Kroger would be roughly 3.6 times the size of the state of West Virginia or a little smaller than Minnesota. The Kroger would be 2.4% of the entire United States. How would the bastards let Kendal Montgomery know that a mistake had probably (I don't know for sure it could really be that big) been made? As follows:

First from chutta:
Dear Kendal,

Wow! I had no idea such a place existed! How on
earth did you manage to even cover the store for your
review? The shear physics of cramming a store the
size of the state of Montana into the Suncrest Towne
Center must have been a secret long-term DARPA
project. I must confess, I definitely don't have the
wherewithall to understand how such things can be
done, but thanks for your article. I just hope I can
find the cracker section. I love crackers. There
must be millions of them there! 86,000 square miles
of Kroger! Wow!
And then from myself:
I was surprised to learn just how big the new Kroger was. I visited it last week, but must have missed the portal to the area that is 3x as large as the entire state of West Virginia (24,000 square miles vs. 86,000 for the Kroger). It doesn't look that big from the road, is the rest underground or maybe above the clouds like in futuristic movies? I don't know how they can keep enough produce on hand to justify that kind of area. And don't get me started on the amount of poultry they must need. I do find it hard to believe that it only takes 150 people to work in that large of an area. Hopefully it doesn't become a "Mad-Max" type store with warlords and gangs controlling most of the main areas such as the Condiment aisle or the Organic foods sections. Children will wander aimlessly for decades should they get away from their parents. One day a chosen one will bring peace to the Kroger and become it's first elected official. There will be a parade. Inside the Kroger. Clean up in aisle 45,689,654.
This is what happens when there aren't sports to distract us. And chutta really does love crackers.


Anonymous said...

"... Kroger and become it's first elected official ..."

damn those pesky misplaced apostrophies; a near perfect post otherwise.

letsplaytummysticks said...

it's not misplaced if you don't understand how it should be used.

Anonymous said...

f u tummy

Anonymous said...

it's is the contraction for it is, while its is the possessive