You stay classy, Maryland.

So full of pride those Terp fans are. Affluent. Sophisticated. Tailgating with wine and cheese. Proud of blindsiding a helpless WVU fan.

No, the big moment came when junior American studies major Thomas Agbonyitor took down a West Virginia fan walking through Lot U4, delighting Terps fans tailgating in the area.

Agbonyitor wasn't the only one getting in on the act. Andrew Lynch, an 2007 alumnus, was only too happy to return to the campus for a chance to torment Mountaineers fans."We've been throwing shit at them, sausages and stuff," Lynch said. "We like to f--- with them."

Well, its been a few days since I practiced any criminal law, but I'm pretty sure that's assault. I sure am glad that an "unofficial student newspaper" is on the case and helping local authorities and law firms track down wayward ruffians.

I call bullshit on this story though. Mainly because it would be rediculously irresponsible to publish names of people committing criminal acts, but also because the parking lots weren't anything like that. Sure, there was some trash talking. But from what we observed, there was a lot of inter-school mixing going on. Everyone was pretty much hanging out together having a good time. Hell, we even had a Maryland fan give us a few beers.

Oh, I also wanted to add that those same Maryland fans truly represented their passion for football by getting drown out by the "Let's go"..."Mountaineers!" chant throughout the second half.

Alas, I guess when the following is what you use to fire up a crowd, anything is possible:


Link via Deadspin.

Maryland Game with Photos

Yesterday was a long day. Even longer I'm sure for tummysticks - he drove - and I sprinkled his car with Doritos and strange smells. Sorry about that. Getting home late and my head cold together managed to keep me in bed until 1:30 (as if I need the excuse to sleep that late).

WVU played its best game of the season last night. Every segment of the team played great. Well, except for Pat McAfee, but that's OK because at least he got his name right. Unlike the game announcer who went through at least 14 different pronounciations for "McAfee". How freaking hard is it to say, "McAfee"?

Wicks had two picks. Larry Williams found his homework. Patrick White continues to make no mistakes (except one irrelevant fumble at the end of the first half). Slaton contributed 147 total yards and 3 touchdowns. Noel Devine (who?) said "Hello" to the nation. Rich Rodriguez called much better plays.

I could keep writing good things all night, but there is also plenty of room for improvement. On offense, it again took about a half for Rodriguez to find the best way to use his weapons. On defense, while the level of intensity was much better and the play calling much more aggressive, there were still lapses and some loss of focus. There were still a few missed downfield blocks. And an offensive lineman occasionally got plowed 5 yards deep on the snap.

On a side note, anyone remember Brian Knobbs? Well, he's apparently resurfaced:

Anyway, here are some select photos with the remainder being available at our photobucket page.

Not so Merry-Land

Tummystix and OS are in College Park calling yours truly with updates. For the pregame post the bastards would like to report the following. The MD student section is clad in black shirts and referring to it as a "black out". We Bastards find that to be decidedly racist. They have also chosen to show their sportsmanship by chanting "Fuck you Slaton" throughout warmups.

On the lighter side of things... OS has botched several good kodak moments. One by refusing to stop eating a sausage while two feet away from the Flutie. And another good Erin Andrews pic because he is generally boner-ass in most respects. I only hope he is wearing his Wes Ours edition bright white sneaks and a tiny hat from Sheetz.

More news to follow as I hear it. For now I will retire to ESPN, and say Lets Go Mountaineers!

Round of Reubens

Bad news for next week's opponent. Back-up/potential future first string Maryland QB, Josh Portis, got suspended for cheating. Some have suggested the punishment was too harsh, but we Bastards have uncovered that not only did Portis cheat on a quiz, he also stole some leftovers from Friedgen's personal fridge. A lesser player would not have survived such a transgression.

In Tuesday’s Baltimore Sun, Heather Dinich reported that Brandon Bullock, who now attends East Carolina, said that Portis cheated by looking on his paper during a quiz in American Studies 212 (Diversity in America) during the spring semester. Portis refused comment on Dinich’s article, which went into a few other details. Bullock, who is from Bel Air, told Dinich that he got a note back after that quiz to see the instructor who brought up academic dishonesty while showing him copies of his quiz and another quiz with the name covered up and the answers to the quiz were similar including one question that they were identical “word for word.” Portis reportedly sat behind Bullock and to the left. Bullock also told Dinich that Portis approached him later and asked him to say that there answers were so similar because they had studied together.

Speaking of Maryland, tummysticks and I will be in hostile territory next week thanks to some much appreciated generosity. We're packing extra sammies in case we cross paths with a wheezing, photon lensing mass of a football coach. Maybe we'll run into Steve Danneman and I can convince him to bet on Maryland again while tummysticks bums beer from Gavin Smith.

In other news, based upon Notre Dame's success last week not really picking a quarterback before its matchup with Georgia Tech, Pitt head coach Dave Wannstache has decided not to pick a starting quarterback for this weekend's matchup with Grambling. Wannstache will instead wait until kickoff to choose his starter by following his magical dowsing mustachio.

Finally, Cincinatti dutifully represented the Big East earlier this evening by easily defeating Oregon State 34-3. While Oregon State's performance was magnitudes worse than during its defeat of USC last year, the credit goes to an aggressive and hard hitting Bearcat defense. The Big East is now 9-1 in interconference play to start the season.

It is nice to be a VIP...

Not gonna lie to you, I am a big fan of the Sportsline NCAA March Madness on demand. Those of us who can't be at our favorite sports bar because we are stuck in the office are grateful. Despite having to go to a meeting at 1pm, and thus missing most of the second half- I was pleased to watch the Terps put Davidson away- I was nervous when I left my desk. That is as close to a live blog as I will ever get- I promise.

The Boss Button feature is nice. Much of the crap on my computer actually looks pretty much like the pseudo spreadsheet. Excellent touch.

Enjoy the madness.

For the sake of the kids

Where have we been on the weekends? Well, we've been doing some undercover work which I'll start relating to you this afternoon. Many schools have been using this time of the offseason to bring in less fortunate children for learning, exercise, inspiration, or illegal touching (ND and BC). We've been fortunate enough to attend some of these with Maryland, Pitt, VT, Penn State, and (proving we can make fun of ourselves) WVU already in the books. I'm starting with the Maryland trip just because I can and because Mickey wants more UM humor on this site. We will provide a detailed look into the itinerary each school provided for the children and our experiences at the camps.

Maryland:

7 a.m. arrived at the athletic complex early hoping for interview with Friedgen. Found him passed out and covered in some sort of glaze. Trainers came in and gave him a "daily" adrenaline shot straight to the heart. Apparently Coach enjoys a doughnut and fried chicken prebreakfast that routinely gets out of hand.

7-8 a.m. sat around as Coach had to "drop some wolf bait."

8 a.m kids arrive and Coach takes them to a buffet provided by Shoneys. Coach explains the "fancier" places get mad after 5 or 6 trips. Shoneys will also deep fry anything you ask them too. Coach deep fries a whistle and an Under Armor shirt (eats them both).

9 a.m the kids leave the Coach at the breakfast holocaust, he'll catch up later. We head to the football complex and watch an hour long video on "Protecting our house."

10 a.m. Choice of Early morning snack with Coach (peanut butter pancakes and bananas) or morning exercise. Go to the exercise with Shawne Merriman. Despite an impressive weight room Shawne claims the kids don't need to lift if they just take three "flu" shots a day like him. Instead spends an hour teaching the Lights-Out dance. Gets kinda repetitive.

11 a.m. Coach takes us to a study room for an inspirational talk with Sam Hollenbach on his way to "Honk out a dirt snake." Sam's talk quickly becomes a Stuart Smally sketch complete with talking to a mirror. He continually repeats that "He is good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it people like him." When asked by one kid why he throws so many interceptions Sam breaks down crying. He sobs for the last 45 minutes and the kids are visibly disturbed.

12 p.m. Coach takes us to the meal hall for a light lunch of subs. It is light because there was one 30 foot long sub and Coach got 27 feet of it. We did have juice though. Coach only drinks diet soda as he is watching his weight.

12:30 p.m. Keon Lattimore takes us on a tour of the campus. Spends most of the tour reminding us he is related to Ray Lewis. "Hey kids here is the cafeteria, my brother Ray stabbed a guy with a plastic knife once."

2:00 p.m. Arts and crafts. Kids were really excited for this one. Unfortunately, the workers, Kris Jenkins and Bruce Perry, hurt themselves setting up the crafts table and are out for 4 months. Instead, we sort Under Armor shirts for an hour.

3 p.m. Midafternoon snack with Coach (blubber sandwiches) or football with Neil O'Donnell. Neil is all time quarterback. He throws to the wrong team most of the time and the kids get upset. Neil tells them when they can grow a beard like him they can play qb.

4 p.m. Reading time. Coach is unable to participate because he had to "launch a butt shuttle." Instead E.J. Henderson comes in. E.J. struggles with the book so he switches it to coloring time with E.J. There is only one book though. E.J. stays within the lines pretty well. Most of the kids nap as does E.J. when he tires.

5 p.m. Afternoon exercise. To end the day we go back to the weight room. Vernon Davis is there. We spend the next half hour chanting "We must protect this house" while Vernon flexes in front of the mirror. He strains too hard and reinjures his leg at the end.


5:30 p.m. Bus comes to pick up the kids. Coach is in a food induced coma Nick Novak helps load the kids up. Nick attempts to load the kids onto the bus but he keeps missing short or right. Eventually they all make it and each one receives a $5 Under Armor gift certificate and a dinner box for the ride home. The kids are disappointed when they open the boxes to find empty candy wrappers and the sandwiches eaten, but they do all still have their apples. Keon is standing at the gates with a sign saying, "I am Ray Lewis's brother, dammit."

6 p.m We go to say goodbye to Coach, but he is back in the bathroom. The assistants tell us he spends most of the evening in there and that is why the playbook is so long.

You thought our schedule was weak this year? Ha!

In an attempt to further bolster their strength of schedule, the powers that beat have scheduled mighty, mighty Ball State (2006: 5-7, 5-3) for West Virginia's season opener on September 1st. However, it will be a nice opportunity to test their hopefully improved secondary as Ball State's QB, Nate Davis, is expected to be one of the premier passers in the MAC next year.

While most of the remaining dates have yet to be set, the schedule features a few challenges:

The Manchin Bowl against the Matthew McConaughey coached Blundering Turds, which in all reality should not be tough, but considering how the basketball team performs each year against WVU's instate rival, cannot be glanced over.

According to the schedule at rivals.com, West Virginia will play at Maryland this year, despite rumors to the contrary. The biggest question here is whether the folks at Byrd Stadium will expand the player tunnels enough to permit 18-wheeler access - as that's the only way Friedgen will be able to make it to the sideline. That's it Coach, you rest those weary legs and no, I don't care how delicious it looks, you can't eat your watch.

The biggest challenge next year presumably is three road games against Rutgers, Cincy and South Florida. Louisville comes to Morgantown next year with a new coach and presumably a new QB.

Further down the road, the Mountaineers feature a 1&1 with Auburn in '08 & '09, Michigan State in '10 & '11 and Florida State in '12 & '13 (feature Bobby Bowden in a cryogenic chamber).

And yes, I really do miss college football this badly.