Thursday, September 6, 2007

Round of Reubens

Bad news for next week's opponent. Back-up/potential future first string Maryland QB, Josh Portis, got suspended for cheating. Some have suggested the punishment was too harsh, but we Bastards have uncovered that not only did Portis cheat on a quiz, he also stole some leftovers from Friedgen's personal fridge. A lesser player would not have survived such a transgression.

In Tuesday’s Baltimore Sun, Heather Dinich reported that Brandon Bullock, who now attends East Carolina, said that Portis cheated by looking on his paper during a quiz in American Studies 212 (Diversity in America) during the spring semester. Portis refused comment on Dinich’s article, which went into a few other details. Bullock, who is from Bel Air, told Dinich that he got a note back after that quiz to see the instructor who brought up academic dishonesty while showing him copies of his quiz and another quiz with the name covered up and the answers to the quiz were similar including one question that they were identical “word for word.” Portis reportedly sat behind Bullock and to the left. Bullock also told Dinich that Portis approached him later and asked him to say that there answers were so similar because they had studied together.
Speaking of Maryland, tummysticks and I will be in hostile territory next week thanks to some much appreciated generosity. We're packing extra sammies in case we cross paths with a wheezing, photon lensing mass of a football coach. Maybe we'll run into Steve Danneman and I can convince him to bet on Maryland again while tummysticks bums beer from Gavin Smith.

In other news, based upon Notre Dame's success last week not really picking a quarterback before its matchup with Georgia Tech, Pitt head coach Dave Wannstache has decided not to pick a starting quarterback for this weekend's matchup with Grambling. Wannstache will instead wait until kickoff to choose his starter by following his magical dowsing mustachio.

Finally, Cincinatti dutifully represented the Big East earlier this evening by easily defeating Oregon State 34-3. While Oregon State's performance was magnitudes worse than during its defeat of USC last year, the credit goes to an aggressive and hard hitting Bearcat defense. The Big East is now 9-1 in interconference play to start the season.

1 comment:

DownTownMoneyWaster said...

How dumb does an African-American athlete have to be to need to cheat on a quiz for a class entitled "Diversity in America"? That's like an Asian cheating on a math test, a lesbian cheating on a Womyn's Studies test, a Hispanic cheating in Agriculture 101, or Option Spread cheating on a gynecological exam.