New players

MSN has a list of each of the players that signed a LOI today and some facts about them here. I've added some facts after research to the list and will give a few installments. The first is below:

John Bassler, OL, 6-5, 285, New Windsor, Md./Francis Scott Key HS
Named as an offensive lineman to play in the Super 22 all-star game, featuring the best players from the Baltimore metro area … also played basketball and baseball, but not at the same time … was heavily recruited by Maryland, but turned off by Friedgen chewing with his mouth open all the damn time … was forced to learn all four stanzas of the Star Spangled Banner due to going to FSKHS.

Jorge Wright, DL, 6-3, 260, Miami, Fla./Dr. Krop HS
Registered 62 tackles and 18 sacks as a senior … runs a 4.7/40-yard dash and bench presses 275 pounds ... brothers Jary, Jene, and Jrant all played football all well … Dr. Michael M. Krop, of Dr. Krop High School, invented the “glow in the dark combat uniform” … Krop also led an effort to deal with an overwhelming amount of Nicaraguan refugees in schools in the late 1980’s and was accused by other Board of Education members of campaigning to have three different schools named after him.

Bernard Smith, DL, 6-2, 220, Atlanta, Ga./Benjamin E. Mays HS
named to the Georgia Sportswriters’ Association Class 4A first-team all-state … earned All-Atlanta honors … had a team-leading 125 tackles, including 75 solo tackles, 22 tackles for loss, 12 sacks, three forced fumbles and four forced fumbles as a senior … led the state of Georgia in solo tackles … most schools worried about a 220 pound lineman, but good lord 125 tackles … Benjamin Mays was a mentor to MLK Jr. and an outspoken critic of segregation, however he isn’t well known due to MLK, George Washington Carver, and Malcolm X dominating Black History Month book reports.

Jeffrey Braun, OL, 6-5, 315, Westminster, Md./Winters Mill HS
Three-year, two-way starting center-defensive lineman … runs a 5.1/40-yard dash and benches 405 pounds … considered the best lineman outside the metro areas … finished with 57 tackles as a senior … 2007 Maryland consensus all-state by the Associated Press … also heavily recruited by Freidgen, but lost interest after Ralph came for a home visit and spent 30 minutes rooting through the refrigerator … Westminster newspaper editor Joseph Smith was beaten to death by four men after writing an anti-Lincoln editorial and they were acquitted for self-defense.

Donovan Miles, LB, 6-2, 225, Stafford, Va./Brooke Point HS
Finished with 107 tackles, including eight sacks and 21 tackles for loss as a senior … a two-time all-district and all-area performer … runs a 4.5/40-yard dash … leaving the area due to mandatory water and BAMF restrictions … loves chocolate and milk, but hates chocolate milk … not named for the guy that sang “Mello Yellow,” but would tackle him if he ever met that guy.

Joseph Madsen, OL, 6-4, 270, Chardon, Ohio/Chardon HS
Collected 59 total tackles, including 21 solo stops, five sacks and 18 tackles for loss … selected first-team All-Ohio guard … earned most valuable player honors at the West Virginia summer camp … earned no honors at Knot Tying and Canoeing Camps later that summer … Chardon burned down in the late 1800s, but was able to be rebuilt due to the maple syrup industry … once punched a waiter in the face for asking if he wanted syrup on his pancakes, you’re goddamn right he wanted syrup he is from Chardon.

Tyler Urban, TE, 6-4, 240, North Huntington, Pa./Norwin Senior HS
As a senior, rushed for 510 yards on 80 carries and scored seven touchdowns as a fullback … registered 79 tackles and seven sacks … scored two touchdowns and two sacks in a playoff win over Woodland Hills … selected second-team all-state class 4A … Pittsburgh Tribune Review’s Terrific 25 … originally committed to Maryland, but switched after being told he would have to wear an Under Armor tux to his prom … was recruited by Pitt, but dropped after he knocked a linebacker’s mustache off during a game which made Wanny cry.

Ryan Clarke, FB, 6-1, 235, Glen Burnie, Md./DeMatha Catholic HS
Coached by Bill McGregor at Dematha Catholic High School … runs a 4.5/40-yard dash and benches 335 pounds … finished with 35 carries for 456 yards and six touchdowns as a senior … watched Owen in the Fiesta Bowl and then ran straight to WVU to sign, running through every wall in his path on the way … didn’t wear a helmet until the fourth game because he didn’t think it was required.

Chris Palmer, DL, 6-4, 290, Philadelphia, Pa./St. John Neumann HS
Selected to the Harrisburg Patriot News Platinum 33 team … earned Scout.com and Super Prep All-American honors … earned All-Catholic League honors two years as a defensive lineman and one time on offense … runs a 5.0/40-yard dash, has a 29-inch vertical jump and benches more than 300 pounds … there are at least 7 St. Neumann’s in the USA, but that number is far less than the number of Taco Bell’s … if St. John fought Chris Palmer he would lose.

Jerome Swinton, CB, 5-9, 160, Daytona Beach, Fla./Seabreeze Senior HS
A first-team Class 4A all-state defense selection … named all-Central Florida by the Orlando Sentinel … an All-Southeast Region selection by Super Prep … runs a 4.31/40-yard dash, has a 34-inch vertical jump and bench presses 265 pounds … school is not named after a girly drink according to most that go there although the school mascot IS in a half full highball glass … was recruited by UConn, but didn’t go because he thought they were a double A school … runs a 4.31 40, but his dreads run a 4.28.

Tyler Bitancurt, K, 6-0, 180, Springfield, Va./West Springfield HS
Connected on 13-of-17 field goal attempts, including a 50-yarder, and made 49-of-50 extra points … the 13 field goals were the most in the state and tied him for the seventh-most in a season in state history … 70 of his 81 kickoffs resulted in touchbacks … had a 39.0-yard per punt average with a long of 60 yards … hates the movie with Gus the Field Goal Kicking Mule due to lack of realism in the approach … can literally “kick the shit” out of the ball which causes problems with returns what with a shit covered ball and all … has tired of Simpson jokes from people hearing he is from Springfield.

J.D. Woods, WR, 6-2, 180, Naples, Fla./Golden Gate HS
Played wide receiver in high school, collecting 54 catches for 851 yards and seven touchdowns as a senior … an all-state selection as a senior … runs a 4.5/40-yard dash and bench presses 230 pounds … only receiver recruit this year so he is a real “catch” … see what I did with that last one, “catch” … works on hands by catching fish with his teeth or bare hands or something like that … hands so big he could palm this guys balls.