Thursday, October 18, 2007

#2 gets dumped

First, there hasn't been that many people from New Jersey together to watch a football game since the last WVU home game. If you could harness the manic energy of Jim Levitt and Greg Schino from this game you could power the country for years. No more oil or coal, just white dudes running around yelling, screaming, kicking, clapping, throwing, and spitting with reckless abandon. Even Sybil thought the mood swings were a bit much. This game was simple: Ray Rice vs. Matt Grothe with a side of special teams au gratin.

Ray Rice. He seems like the kind of guy that takes a shot of Jack and bites a wooden spoon for anesthesia. 39 carries for 181 yards. 75 carries for 377 yards in 6 days. Forrest Gump didn't run this damn much. Ray Rice doesn't wear a cup he wears a mug. His stiff arm should be registered as a deadly weapon, just ask George Selvie.

Matt Grothe. The USF offensive strategy of slather the ball in Crisco and punt almost worked. Instead they decided to play like I do in NCAA2008; run around with the quarterback until someone is open and if not run away. At one point I believe Rutgers was running the 9-spy defense. USF had 362 total yards and Grothe accounted for 305 of them either throwing or running (for his life some of the time).

Special Teams. I’ve been to two world fairs and a goat fuck and never seen anything like the special teams on display—fake punt, fake field goal, two muffed punts, and two blocked kicks (one served with extra forward laterals). The only thing missing was a juggling seal or a dog on a tricycle.

What a great game. The only problem is that I'm not sure that it will help increase the value of my Louisville tickets and really isn't that the most important aspect of the season?


Johnny said...

Since you mention it, is anyone looking to dump their Louisville tickets? Jon Tu from 82 Sluggo Win is on a college football tour this fall and is coming to the Louisville game, but could use some tickets.

J. Johnston said...

Those Louisville tickets were a bad investment if you are looking to sell them. Since I'm looking to get fucked up and scream at those filthy bastage Cardinals, the value is still very high. Unfortunately, I will be using the two that I have, so none left to hook anybody up.