Mountaineer Madness*

Two of ye olde bastards made it to the Coliseum for Mountaineer Madness on Friday and we would have posted sooner, but we just found our car in the parking lot and got back. The evening stretched on for almost three hours and those who felt it most were probably the band, cheerleaders, and dance team as they played the fight song roughly 345 times. The evening was officially kicked off with the five second to score from baseline to baseline game. Usually with this game the contestants are either a little kid or the most nonathletic person WVU officials can find. However, this time two of the three made the shots (first time I've ever seen anyone actually make it) including an undergrad from Jersey who was booed then showed his class afterwards by flipping off the student section.

After that we were treated to a laser show complete with smoke which OS thought was from the laser machines overheating. The laser show spelled out WVU, the flying WVU, and other crap and then made pictures of basketball players from Double Dribble in what appeared to be some sort of gay porn. As usual OS missed most of this while having to get food. Both the men's and women's teams were introduced* and a video tribute to Bob Huggins was played with special guests Michael Jordan, Clark Kellog, and Dick Vitale among others. Vitale's speech was visibly edited down from the 45 minute wandering epic he must have originally given complete with 20 minutes on Duke, baby.

Then there was some other crap. But the highlight was the dunk contest in which Joe Alexander was able to escape from a career ending injury of jumping through the backboard. No human has ever looked as physically impressive yet at the same time as if they have no idea what their body is capable of than Joe. It's like he's the first 5 minutes of the bionic man in perpetuity.




And the Madness wrapped up with 10 minute scrimmages for both teams. Meg Bulger has returned from injury again and watching her play is like looking in a mirror (other than the whole boobs and vagina thing). She has the mill around the three point line, shoot as soon as you get it, and play as little defense as possible routine down to a science, but she is a deadly shooter (so am I, but more from actually injuring people with my shots flying off of the rim at ungodly speeds and angles). Both scrimmages were rather uneventful except to show off the new physics of the players. Alexander looks much bigger, but yet still skinny. Alex Ruoff has noticeably bulked up, but the winner from where we were sitting of the David Robinson beach muscle award was Darris Nichols. Nichols appears to have acquired Apollo Creeds arms in the offseason. After the scrimmages the show was over without a second laser show. That made us sad, but not as sad as wandering the parking lot for 20 minutes searching for the car. That's the last time I go out sober.

*Now with lasers.